urbana

as many of you know, i recently came back from urbana 09, a student mission's conference held every three years in st. louis, MO.  about 17,000 students, campus staff workers, and pastors came together to learn about the state of God's global kingdom work and how they can get involved.  each day was jam packed with great speakers, incredible worship, drama, dance, thought-provoking seminars, and insightful bible studies.  it allowed me to experience a week without all the distractions of school, career, media, sports, the list goes on and on.

while the conference was very much outward focused (what do you expect from a mission conference?), i couldn't help but to gain some insight about the state of things in my spiritual life.  leave it to me to learn more about myself than others at a missions conference... self-centered much?  regardless, god showed me some shortcomings in my life that were limiting my effectiveness as a servant for his kingdom.  it was almost as if he was saying, "before you can go out and make a difference in other people's lives, examine your own heart.  do you really love me?  do you really care about making my name great?"  i got hit pretty hard by a sobering reality check during one of the speaker's talks about money and possessions.  these past couple months, i've really been occupied with the next step in my life and how i'll become financially independent and make the best career decision for my life.  when i heard a story about multi-millionaires who chose long ago (when they were young and poor) to live on a fixed income no matter what they made, i was taken aback.  these are the kinds of decisions i should be praying (or at least thinking) about now, while i'm young.

i also learned a little bit more about my own path to salvation.  one of the seminars talked about how the path to salvation is just that, a path, not a single point of conversion.  it's only at the very end of that path that non-believers make the choice to follow christ.  i think too many christians are too concerned about that last step in the process, just focused on adding numbers but not focused enough on the (often harder) steps that lead up to the point of conversion.  the guy who led the seminar wrote a book after he interviewed thousands of new believers about their path to christ.  surprisingly, most of them followed a very similar route with 5 common thresholds they crossed before giving their lives over to christ.  the five thresholds are:

1. trusting a christian
2. becoming curious about Jesus
3. being open to change
4. actively seeking God
5. conversion

he then talked about how these five steps could be applied to the conversion story one of his nonbelieving friends.  as he was talking, i realized that i did things completely backwards in my own path to salvation.  i became a christian when i was 7, basically because i wanted to go to heaven and because everyone else was  doing it.  so i started at step five without experiencing the true change of heart that is usually required for anyone to start following christ.  i had nothing in my life that i needed to change (i was a little kid), and i was completely uninterested in seeking God (learning about him and seeking him are two different things).  because i was a pastor's son, i could tell you all sorts of facts and bits of information about the bible, but facts without belief are useless.  growing up,  i mistook my knowledge about God for an actual relationship with him.  needless to say, i was humbled and shaken by this realization.

one thing is certain. my eyes were definitely opened this past week.  the number of opportunities out there for christians to spread his love are greater than ever before.  i didn't receive a specific calling, but i was challenged to widen my gaze and consider the world around me.  i'm glad i went.

my christmas

first, i'd like to wish everyone a (late) merry christmas.  hope your day was filled with lots of food, family, friends, and fun.  if you'd like a rundown of my hectic but very happy christmas, head on over to my sister's tumblr for a humorous recap.

after the fun-filled festivities were over and everyone had gone back to their respective homes, i went upstairs to put away some of my newly acquired shirts, only to realize that my closet was getting way too crowded.  so, i decided to get rid of all my clothes that i had outgrown (physically or stylistically) over the years.  now, mind you, i hadn't done this since before i left for college (summer of 2006!), so by the end of the evening, i had about four trash bags worth of unwanted clothing.

i thought this was going to be a quick and easy process, but, as i was going through my drawers, i was soon confronted with the painful realization that i was quite possibly the world's worst dresser throughout high school.  words cannot even begin to describe the tragedy. so, for your viewing pleasure (or horror), i have included some pictures of the more impressive pieces that made up my wardrobe for much of that era.

first, we have a pair of baggy jorts (one of many).  you may be thinking, "eh, they're bad, but not that bad."  this may be true, but only if jorts are worn on occasion.  i wore jorts 95% of the time.  the other 5%, i was either naked, or wearing a pair of....

carpenter jeans!  funny story about this particular pair of carpenter jeans.  the day i bought these pants, i came home and showed my sister, only to have her shriek in horror "CARPENTER JEANS? YOU CAN'T WEAR THOSE!!!"  she then proceeded to tell me how they are a fashion faux pas and no respectable human being would ever be caught dead in them.  so, i never wore them.  thats right, i bought them and never once put them on after that day.  i've decided this means i was either really insecure back then, or really respected my sister's advice when it came to fashion.  probably a little bit of both.

next we have...

a nautica t-shirt.  nautica was my absolute favorite brand back in the day.  i know this is only one picture of one shirt, but trust me when i say this was one out of MANY.  i didn't count, but i must have seen at least 10 different shirts go in the trash bags, all emblazoned with "NAUTICA" across the front.  all shameless brand propaganda that my teenage mind eagerly bought into.

next...

my second favorite brand, tommy hilfiger.  i should point out that 80% of the clothing i found (including this lovely number) were sized either large or extra large.  i think i intentionally bought clothes one size too big as an answer to my fascination with all things baggy, but this eventually turned into a necessity as i slowly but surely started to grow into my "baggy" clothing as i gained weight.  needless to say, my high school years weren't my most attractive... more evidence below.

i don't even wanna talk about this one...

some other quality finds:

my baby/securty blanket.  its hard to believe, but this used to have colorful pictures of dinosaurs on it.  i played with it so much that its completely white now.

some time ago, i decided that, of my two school colors, blue looked the best on me.  and here you see the result.

my awesome best buy shirt.

the final result.  4 bags of clothes for goodwill, and some much needed closet space.  i should do this more often.  cleaning out the closet is therapeutic.

!@#$%^

im so mad.  i got a haircut today and i told the lady to leave it long on top b/c its cold outside and half an hour later, I LOOK LIKE I'M JOINING THE $&*#%*&# MARINES.  

there must have been a HUGE misunderstanding on her part, b/c i think i made my instructions pretty clear.  

this is my second haircut post.  both have been negative.  needless to say, my luck does not seem to be improving.  :(

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happy day

my last day of college was a hectic one.  for some reason, even though i went to bed at midnight last night, i couldn't fall asleep until well past 3. i was really irritated b/c i had to wake up at 7:15 the next morning. i kept getting overwhelmed by all these thoughts and anxieties that would just pop up randomly in my head.  i guess its not everyday that one marks the end 17 years of combined education, so maybe the thoughts were justified in some sense.  


anyway, that sleepless night ended at 7:15 am, which is the earliest i have been awake this semester.  i think its also the first time i ate breakfast at a dining hall this year.   thinking back, it probably would have been a good idea to schedule some classes before 11 this semester so i could get used to the feeling of being awake before 9.  regardless, my body was not enjoying the abrupt change in sleeping schedule.  i dont think i was even fully awake by the time my exam started at 9.  luckily i think i got through it ok.  i dont think there's anything quite like the feeling you get when you realize you just finished the last question on your last exam ever.  no joke, my heart was beating out of my chest as i turned in the paper, thanked the professor, and walked out the door.  everything inside me wanted to yell out "SO LONG SUCKERS" as i left, but i thought it might be a little much, so i refrained.  


then came the hard part.  i had to figure out a way to get all my clothes, tv, bedding, and computer stuff out of my apartment and into my tiny little acura integra.  i put all my clothes (minus the clothes hanging in my closet) in trash bags and one small suitcase and shoved them in my back seat.  i dunno how i managed to close my trunk with everything inside.  but it worked, and after 12 trips back and forth from my apartment to the car, i finally left charlottesville for good (not quite, i still have to go back in may and get my bed/dresser/desk).  


now i'm sitting at home on the couch with my dog watching oprah.  life is good.

things

1.  took one final today after studying all day yesterday.  it was short and not too hard (i hope).  now all that stands between me and freedom is one more final.  and i have a week to prepare.  and the prof. is letting us use a cheat sheet.  this seems like the perfect recipe for procrastination.

2.  my phone kept vibrating during my final. so, after the test, i checked it and i had two missed calls and a voicemail from a potential job opportunity.  it wouldn't be so bad if it was the first time, but we've been playing phone tag for weeks now, so i was pretty agitated.  but i called him back and he said he'd like to have me in for an interview in early January!  hope it works out.

3.  started reading "blink" by malcolm gladwell today.  its an interesting book, but even more interesting because he talks about one of my previous psych professors in it.  apparently my professor helped design some experiment (implicit associations test) that tests whether people have implicit biases toward (and against) certain races.  thought provoking stuff.

4.  uva soccer takes on wake forest tonight for the college cup semifinal game.  go hoos.

getting into that christmas spirit

snow + holiday concert with the cville/university symphony orchestra = me in a christmas-y mood.  can't really imagine the season without the music that goes along with it. 

i'm not usually a sappy or sentimental person when it comes to christmas-time (i usually ask for money), but this year, for some reason, i can't help but become overwhelmed with excitement when i think about the season.  example: i found myself listening to the all-christmas song station for the first time in a while today.  maybe it's because this christmas will be my first christmas without having to worry about going back to school the next month.  it takes some stress off and allows me to just enjoy the present.  but that comes with its own challenges.  im sure when i find out how bleak the job market really is, i'll beg to come back. 

i think i'm ready to be out on my own.  which won't really be the case, b/c everyone knows i'll be living with my parents again, but you know what i mean.  i hope it doesn't become high school all over again, with curfews and stuff.  part of me wants to stay at home and not pay for laundry (or food) ever, but another part of me secretly wants my parents to kick me out after a couple months so i can learn to be independent (and cook).  that part of me also wants/needs a job.

applied to be a substitute teacher today cuz i'm not hearing back from the census bureau and i need work.  we'll see about that. 

said my first "good byes" today.  we finished cleaning up the instrument room after the concert and someone said, "aw, this is your last concert.  we probably won't see each other for awhile."  i think that's when it really hit me.  after these next two weeks, everything that has been my life for the past 4 years is over and done with.  i didn't really have anything to say then b/c i'm terrible at good-byes and being the center of attention, but i will dearly miss the people that have been a part of my life at U. Va.  my sentimental side wants to stay in touch, but reality says a lot of the bonds made during these past four years will become weakened or cut in the future. don't really know how i feel about that. i guess i'm glad i got the opportunity to meet such wonderful people. hopefully i have had as much as an impact on them as they have had on me. and there are still many more goodbyes to be said.  i should get on that before time runs out. 

being in such a contemplative mood always leaves me kind of sad.  so, to cheer myself up, i watched some youtube videos.  here's one of the gems i ran across today (thanks, stacey).



hope you all find time to experience the joy of the season and to celebrate the love of the one who gives us reason to be joyful.

forget hillsong...

ncfc needs to start doing worship like this.