Haircuts

I hate getting haircuts. 

Its not that the actual process of having clippers buzz around your head for 20 minutes is so unbearable.  I think it has more to do with my inability to properly convey to the barber the way I think my hair should look.  I feel like every time I walk into a barbershop, everyone starts speaking in some code language just to spite me.  All this talk of "fades" and "tapers" and "layering" goes straight over my head.  My two most descriptive words when describing my desired cut are "short" and "long."

"Cut it short in the back and sides.  Not too short though.  A little longer on top." 

Then I usually mutter something about scissors and pray the barber knows what he's doing.   Needless to say, I've had some pretty awful haircuts in my life; everything from a modified high and tight to almost a buzz cut.  I'm thinking one day, I'll walk in there and just yell, "Shave it off!"  (Funny story.  When I went to get a cut on Monday, an Indian guy with a baseball cap walked in and showed the barber the spot on his head where his drunk friends decided one night while he was passed out that he had a little too much hair.  He had a beautiful head of hair, except the 2x2 inch box right above his forehead that had been shaven off.  I think he ended up shaving his entire head.) 

Not cutting it isn't an option either.  Some guys look good shaggy.  Others (namely me) start to look like a grizzly bear.  When my hair grows, it grows in one direction only: straight out.  After about 3 weeks, it starts to resemble the offspring of a porcupine and a chia pet. 

Maybe I should look into hats.