New blog/thoughts

 Welcome to my new blog.  Lets get started.

People keep asking me what it feels like to be in my last semester of school.  I usually respond with, "It feels good," or, "I'm excited," and quickly try to change the subject.  I guess this is because I don't really know how I feel.  I'm a fourth year econ major with no interest in being an economist.  How would you feel?  Like you wasted your time and parents' money?  Same.  Sure, I know I'll probably find work after school ends, in an entry level position that most people would be content with, but I have bigger dreams; dreams that some would call unrealistic. 

About a year ago, I got this crazy idea that I should be doing something related to music for a living.  Sure, I had given up hopes of being an international drumming sensation a while before, but I convinced myself to keep my options open and look into what other opportunities were available.  I remembered a short conversation I had with my percussion instructor from high school where he said something along the lines of, "99 percent of the people involved in the music industry never step on a stage."  Being a laid back/not in the spotlight kind of guy, I guess I took it to heart and started to look into opportunities to learn about music production.  My first step was to take a class offered at UVa called "Intro to Music and Computers" which was basically a crash course in music production.  I figured, if I liked the class enough, it could be a sign. Well, needless to say, the teacher sucked, there was little hands on time (in a very hands on subject), and the class just wasn't as great as I had hoped it would be. 

Despite all that, I fell in love.

Something about the subject drew me in to the point where I found myself arriving to class early and even looking forward to the (sometimes terrible) lectures.  There were times when I caught myself reading the text book in my spare time (who does that?).  Needless to say, I was convinced that I had found my calling.  Now it was just up to me to 1) find the next step and 2) convince the parents that it was the right step.  I googled "recording studios in the washington dc area" and found one hit in particular that looked especially promising; a studio in Rockville that offered classes in recording techniques and music production.  This was it.  I knew exactly what I wanted to do.  I was gonna graduate from UVa as soon as possible with whatever degree they would give me, and enroll in this school to pursue my true calling.  The problem that was my future was solved.

Not so fast. 

A conversation with my parents quickly brought me back from my cloud 9 to the soggy ground that is reality. 

"Who's gonna pay for it?"
"Do you know how much these people make?" 
"It looks like you're graduating from a 4 year university to enroll in a technical school." 
"How are you going to provide for a family, not to mention yourself?" 
(this last one was a killer)

I don't want it to sound like my parents are cold-hearted dream killers who wish nothing more than to see their son crushed by the weight of his own delusions of grandeur, but they do have a more "practical" outlook on life (to put it subtly).  In my rush to find a suitable profession for myself, I realized that I had overlooked everyone else in my life.  My family is very important to me and I know someday I'll have to provide for my own.  I reluctantly looked at a list of average entry level salaries for people who graduated from this program and was pretty bummed to see that I could make more doing almost anything else.  I'm not talking pennies more either.  These salaries were looooooww...In that light, an econ degree from UVa (or any school for that matter) doesn't look so bad.  Not to mention, if I decide to enroll, I'll be paying for the school myself.  20k for 9 months.  That's on top of the student loans I need to pay back once I graduate. 

What am I trying to say?  I'm saying I'm scared.  And frustrated.  Why couldn't my "calling" have been something like medicine or law?  At least you're guaranteed some level of comfort after the 8 or so years of hell you go through.  With this music school, I could very well be wasting my time and not see a dime of return for the tons of money I could spend.  Do I really even know what I'm getting myself into?

Anyway, I'm not asking for advice or pity.  This is by every definition of the word, a rant.  I feel better already.

I promise not all my posts will be this emo or long.  Just needed to get this off my chest.

love all you guys