went to the job fair yesterday. got a buncha stuff: cupholders, cellphone holsters, pens, staplers, thumb drive, tons of brochures, and an interview. :)
i guess most companies don't give out interviews at job fairs. the fairly standard response i got was, "go to our website and fill out an application." which left me wondering , "why did i come here if i could have just stayed at home, on the computer, in comfortable clothing no less." what's the point of sending recruiters to college campuses all across the country if they just give out information i can easily find on your company's website ? (besides all the free goodies they give out)
but i guess the census bureau is really actively looking for people because about 5 mins into our conversation, the recruiter told me to sign up for a preliminary interview with him the next day (today). so, around 10 this morning, i trekked all the way across grounds to the stadium (they hold interviews in the private boxes) and talked with him for a good 45 mins. he told me some stuff about the bureau and asked me some general questions (what makes a good leader etc) and i feel like we hit it off pretty well. we even had an in depth conversation about the future of dc sports teams (prognosis? good things coming for everything except football.) he said i'd be a perfect fit for the bureau and that he'd actively shop my name around the office whenever employment issues come up. on top of that, jenny kim from church (who also works there and got me interested in the first place) is trying to get my name "out there" as well.
so i feel like my chances of getting contacted are pretty decent. its not a 100% guarantee, but because i'm graduating in december and (hopefully) firmly expressed my desire to work there, i think i have a shot.
in the mean time, i'm gonna be filling out more applications just in case i don't hear back.
the downside of today was 1. i had to walk around all day in a suit. 2. i was late to a class b/c of the interview 3. i had a test that may or may not have gone well.
but hopefully, if all works out in the end, it will have been worth it.
Thursday, October 29, 2009
Thursday, October 22, 2009
embarrassing
i know i already posted it on facebook, but i thought i'd elaborate...
this story starts yesterday, as i was sitting in my very dry econ lecture, pondering my future. the teacher was talking about how people forgo wages right after high school and pay to go to college, all to receive an expected higher wage in the future (labor economics 101). this got me thinking whether this idea will actually come true for me. my mind started thinking about how i haven't gotten any interviews yet, and how i will probably have to do some sort of menial labor for the next 30 years because the universe hates me and i hate my major. needless to say it was a depressing sort of day.
fast forward to later that afternoon. i returned home, not completely out of my existential funk, and was pleasantly surprised to find an email about a career fair sitting in my inbox. i opened it up, expecting to find that it only applied to engineers, or anthropology majors, or anything that would disqualify me from attending, but lo and behold, all majors were welcome, and tons of employers would be there. i then got an email from my econ professor about how the census bureau was actively hiring students with econ backgrounds. till this point, i had hoped to find a government job. not exactly great pay, but good benefits and good job security. furthermore, i checked the list of employers who would be at the fair, and the census bureau (as well as many other fine agencies and firms) was on the list. it had to be a sign. at this point i was ecstatic, pumping myself up, printing out resumes, practicing personal statements, researching firms, you name it. i was motivated.
fast forward to this morning. after a good nights rest (dreaming about my now secure future), i got out my new suit, put on a freshly starched shirt, and fussed over my tie (thanks flo).
my mind was racing at this point. actual train of thought:
"should i take a notebook? do i need my backpack? whats the point of wearing this nice suit if i just mess up the professional image by wearing a backpack? ok i wont wear it. but what if i get free stuff from the fair, where will i put it? i definitely need my resumes though, dont forget those. where are my keys? did i brush my teeth?" etc.
finally, after checking myself twice in the bathroom mirror, i got out the door (god forbid i walked in there with a tag still on my suit). i usually dont drive to grounds, but today was special so i parked in the parking garage and walked in, ready to face my destiny. as i was walking up the stairs to the ballroom however, i noticed something kind of odd. i didn't seem to hear any sort of commotion or crowd noise that one usually expects when walking into a crowded career fair. i shrugged it off, thinking the doors were probably closed or no one had shown up yet. yet when i reached the floor on which the fair was to be held, i noticed it was way too quiet. sure enough, i opened the door to the ballroom and peeked inside. NOBODY. i kept thinking to myself, "calm down, they probably just moved the location." completely unwilling to face the obvious, i looked frantically for some sort of sign saying "dont worry, we moved to _____," or, "we're starting an hour later today" or, "congratulations, daniel! this is all a test, you win a million dollars for taking initiative." no such luck.
finally i asked the receptionist (who was eying me this entire time) why there wasn't a career fair going on. she checked the schedule and said "i dont think we have anything scheduled for today." i tried to convince her that i knew for a fact that a very important, potentially life changing career fair was supposed to be going on and maybe she had the wrong copy of the schedule. she finally agreed to let me use her computer. so, i logged back into gmail, only to find, to my horror, that the date on top of the email, in bold letters no less, said "October 27-28."
....................................
i quickly thanked the lady for her troubles (she had the worst "im trying so hard not to laugh right now" look on her face) and walked as quickly as i could back to my car, drove back to my apt, changed out of my itchy clothing, and ran back to campus just in time to make it to my 11 o clock class.
anyway. that was my day. i consider it a practice run for the real thing. come next week, i'll be a pro at this.
this story starts yesterday, as i was sitting in my very dry econ lecture, pondering my future. the teacher was talking about how people forgo wages right after high school and pay to go to college, all to receive an expected higher wage in the future (labor economics 101). this got me thinking whether this idea will actually come true for me. my mind started thinking about how i haven't gotten any interviews yet, and how i will probably have to do some sort of menial labor for the next 30 years because the universe hates me and i hate my major. needless to say it was a depressing sort of day.
fast forward to later that afternoon. i returned home, not completely out of my existential funk, and was pleasantly surprised to find an email about a career fair sitting in my inbox. i opened it up, expecting to find that it only applied to engineers, or anthropology majors, or anything that would disqualify me from attending, but lo and behold, all majors were welcome, and tons of employers would be there. i then got an email from my econ professor about how the census bureau was actively hiring students with econ backgrounds. till this point, i had hoped to find a government job. not exactly great pay, but good benefits and good job security. furthermore, i checked the list of employers who would be at the fair, and the census bureau (as well as many other fine agencies and firms) was on the list. it had to be a sign. at this point i was ecstatic, pumping myself up, printing out resumes, practicing personal statements, researching firms, you name it. i was motivated.
fast forward to this morning. after a good nights rest (dreaming about my now secure future), i got out my new suit, put on a freshly starched shirt, and fussed over my tie (thanks flo).
my mind was racing at this point. actual train of thought:
"should i take a notebook? do i need my backpack? whats the point of wearing this nice suit if i just mess up the professional image by wearing a backpack? ok i wont wear it. but what if i get free stuff from the fair, where will i put it? i definitely need my resumes though, dont forget those. where are my keys? did i brush my teeth?" etc.
finally, after checking myself twice in the bathroom mirror, i got out the door (god forbid i walked in there with a tag still on my suit). i usually dont drive to grounds, but today was special so i parked in the parking garage and walked in, ready to face my destiny. as i was walking up the stairs to the ballroom however, i noticed something kind of odd. i didn't seem to hear any sort of commotion or crowd noise that one usually expects when walking into a crowded career fair. i shrugged it off, thinking the doors were probably closed or no one had shown up yet. yet when i reached the floor on which the fair was to be held, i noticed it was way too quiet. sure enough, i opened the door to the ballroom and peeked inside. NOBODY. i kept thinking to myself, "calm down, they probably just moved the location." completely unwilling to face the obvious, i looked frantically for some sort of sign saying "dont worry, we moved to _____," or, "we're starting an hour later today" or, "congratulations, daniel! this is all a test, you win a million dollars for taking initiative." no such luck.
finally i asked the receptionist (who was eying me this entire time) why there wasn't a career fair going on. she checked the schedule and said "i dont think we have anything scheduled for today." i tried to convince her that i knew for a fact that a very important, potentially life changing career fair was supposed to be going on and maybe she had the wrong copy of the schedule. she finally agreed to let me use her computer. so, i logged back into gmail, only to find, to my horror, that the date on top of the email, in bold letters no less, said "October 27-28."
....................................
i quickly thanked the lady for her troubles (she had the worst "im trying so hard not to laugh right now" look on her face) and walked as quickly as i could back to my car, drove back to my apt, changed out of my itchy clothing, and ran back to campus just in time to make it to my 11 o clock class.
anyway. that was my day. i consider it a practice run for the real thing. come next week, i'll be a pro at this.
Monday, October 19, 2009
i really like it when...
...i hear a song i like, open up itunes to download it , and find out i already have it.
and with that, i'd like to say "before the throne" (shane and shane version) is a really good song.
and with that, i'd like to say "before the throne" (shane and shane version) is a really good song.
Saturday, October 17, 2009
f the rain
today, i drove an hour and a half to kings dominion only to find out it was closed because it was raining.
if my friends weren't in the car with me, i would have cussed. alot.
if my friends weren't in the car with me, i would have cussed. alot.
Monday, October 12, 2009
disney/job/winning
congratulations to the uva football team for (seemingly) turning things around these past 2 weeks. lets keep up the W's. i hear they'll be serving turtle soup in college park next weekend.
on a related note, the band played disney songs during halftime. i know this is really cheesy and hokey, but for about 10 minutes, i was taken back to a much simpler time and place. a place where mundane townspeople could break out into complex musical numbers at any given moment, where the rub of a rusty old lamp could change a guy's life forever, where a girl with identity problems could defeat the largest army the world had ever seen, bring honor to her family, AND get the guy in the end (with just a little help from her friends and a not-so-lucky cricket), where the great kings of the past took their places among the stars after they passed on and where even the most powerful evil spells could be broken by the power of (true) love.
i've been thinking about it, and i say its about time for another disney renaissance. a re-renaissance, if you will (the first one happened in the nineties, when they were virtually untouchable). i'm not commenting on all the current pixar/computer animated stuff (which i have no problem with, they're great movies). i'm talking about old school disney. the disney we all grew up with. the last animated feature length film disney made was 'tarzan' in 1999. since then, i'd say we've been through a whole lotta crap as a country. america could use a over-simplified outlook on life right now. you think snow white had to worry about a failing economy? or a prolonged war halfway around the world? the only thing she had to worry about was avoiding creepy looking old ladies, keeping that cottage clean, and finding her true love. overtly sexist agenda aside, disney movies have always been good at pointing out to people what's really important: our friends, our loved ones, and spontaneously bursting into song every now and then.
in other news, i applied for another job today. i had to fill out a 151 question survey and now i feel like i probably won't get it. they all pertained to previous experience or coursework i've had, and on the scale of "no relevant coursework" all the way up to "many years of professional experience," my answers usually were near the bottom, at "some relevant coursework." oh well. nothing ventured, nothing gained, right? crossing fingers....now.
or maybe i should just consult for disney. robert iger, if you're reading this, give me a call. i have some ideas you and i need to discuss. two words. mulan 2. (kidding)
on a related note, the band played disney songs during halftime. i know this is really cheesy and hokey, but for about 10 minutes, i was taken back to a much simpler time and place. a place where mundane townspeople could break out into complex musical numbers at any given moment, where the rub of a rusty old lamp could change a guy's life forever, where a girl with identity problems could defeat the largest army the world had ever seen, bring honor to her family, AND get the guy in the end (with just a little help from her friends and a not-so-lucky cricket), where the great kings of the past took their places among the stars after they passed on and where even the most powerful evil spells could be broken by the power of (true) love.
i've been thinking about it, and i say its about time for another disney renaissance. a re-renaissance, if you will (the first one happened in the nineties, when they were virtually untouchable). i'm not commenting on all the current pixar/computer animated stuff (which i have no problem with, they're great movies). i'm talking about old school disney. the disney we all grew up with. the last animated feature length film disney made was 'tarzan' in 1999. since then, i'd say we've been through a whole lotta crap as a country. america could use a over-simplified outlook on life right now. you think snow white had to worry about a failing economy? or a prolonged war halfway around the world? the only thing she had to worry about was avoiding creepy looking old ladies, keeping that cottage clean, and finding her true love. overtly sexist agenda aside, disney movies have always been good at pointing out to people what's really important: our friends, our loved ones, and spontaneously bursting into song every now and then.
in other news, i applied for another job today. i had to fill out a 151 question survey and now i feel like i probably won't get it. they all pertained to previous experience or coursework i've had, and on the scale of "no relevant coursework" all the way up to "many years of professional experience," my answers usually were near the bottom, at "some relevant coursework." oh well. nothing ventured, nothing gained, right? crossing fingers....now.
or maybe i should just consult for disney. robert iger, if you're reading this, give me a call. i have some ideas you and i need to discuss. two words. mulan 2. (kidding)
Wednesday, October 7, 2009
chapstick and other things
1. today, i bought some burt's bees lip balm. i balked a little at the price (3.50!), but decided it could be worth it. as soon as i left the bookstore, i popped the yellow cap, turned the wheel, and applied a liberal amount to my parched lips. it was glorious. needless to say, i don't feel girly putting on chapstick anymore. or, i don't care enough to abstain.
2. a group of 3 or 4 guys were going around grounds today, "preaching" at students and other passers by. except their brand of preaching can probably be better characterized as berating/yelling/condemnation. what made it so frustrating was that they were teaching sound biblical doctrine, just in such an insensitive and downright rude way. i'm pretty sure the first "rule" of evangelism is that it must be done out of love. yelling over people and screaming about how they will go to hell is not gonna help people see the love and acceptance that can be found in christ. i even overheard two guys at the bus stop saying something along the lines of, "i'd probably listen if the guy just calmed down and wanted to have a discussion over coffee or something. this is the perfect way to turn off everyone who happens to hear you talk." thats the way i've always seen it. make relationships. develop trust. share personal testimonies. win them over through love.
anyway, it led me to think about the way i carry myself and portray christ through my actions. i realized there are things i do and ways that i act that can be just as bad an influence as yelling about people going to hell. although my actions may not be as egregious, or affect such a wide group of people, i still am responsible for the way i act. even if it's only around a group of my close friends. i was so quick to point out this (rather large) piece of sawdust in their eyes, yet i didn't see the 2 x 4 in mine.
thought provoking day.
2. a group of 3 or 4 guys were going around grounds today, "preaching" at students and other passers by. except their brand of preaching can probably be better characterized as berating/yelling/condemnation. what made it so frustrating was that they were teaching sound biblical doctrine, just in such an insensitive and downright rude way. i'm pretty sure the first "rule" of evangelism is that it must be done out of love. yelling over people and screaming about how they will go to hell is not gonna help people see the love and acceptance that can be found in christ. i even overheard two guys at the bus stop saying something along the lines of, "i'd probably listen if the guy just calmed down and wanted to have a discussion over coffee or something. this is the perfect way to turn off everyone who happens to hear you talk." thats the way i've always seen it. make relationships. develop trust. share personal testimonies. win them over through love.
anyway, it led me to think about the way i carry myself and portray christ through my actions. i realized there are things i do and ways that i act that can be just as bad an influence as yelling about people going to hell. although my actions may not be as egregious, or affect such a wide group of people, i still am responsible for the way i act. even if it's only around a group of my close friends. i was so quick to point out this (rather large) piece of sawdust in their eyes, yet i didn't see the 2 x 4 in mine.
thought provoking day.
Monday, October 5, 2009
random
1. this cooler/dryer weather has left my lips extremely chapped, yet i feel girly putting on chapstick so i live with it.
2. today, my dad was lying on the floor and said, "why does it smell like pee?" after about 10 minutes of searching, we found a spot on our area rug (its dark so its hard to see stains) where pepper thought it would be a good idea to relieve herself and not tell anyone. it was gross.
3. zombieland was awesome.
4. both my football teams won this weekend. lets hope they keep it up. its gonna be a long season if they both suck. i'm not quite ready for basketball season yet.
5. golfing with pops tomorrow.
6. the harvest moon (big orange full moon) these past two days was pretty sexy. looked like a pumpkin. or a basketball.
7. chicago didn't get the olympics. i'm bummed because that would probably have been a good excuse to visit that city and see the olympics (although i hope to visit before 2016). rio seems a little out of reach right now. 5000 mile plane ride vs half day driving. one thing i am looking forward to? an army of brazilian ladies carnival dancing during the opening ceremonies. seriously, that's all they need. china had a good opening with their 2000 drummers and magic lcd scroll, but nothing could compare with adriana lima and a few of her friends wearing headdresses made of feathers and forming a mile long conga line for 3 hours. forget the parade of nations, forget the torch lighting. that stuff is old and boring. i wanna see someone light a fire with their hips!
i probably just alienated half my readers. but everyone know's its gonna happen. i'm really only stating the obvious.
8. i need to stop starting blog entries so late. i only write at night, so by the time i finish some of these, it's like 2 am. tonight was a little better. good night.
2. today, my dad was lying on the floor and said, "why does it smell like pee?" after about 10 minutes of searching, we found a spot on our area rug (its dark so its hard to see stains) where pepper thought it would be a good idea to relieve herself and not tell anyone. it was gross.
3. zombieland was awesome.
4. both my football teams won this weekend. lets hope they keep it up. its gonna be a long season if they both suck. i'm not quite ready for basketball season yet.
5. golfing with pops tomorrow.
6. the harvest moon (big orange full moon) these past two days was pretty sexy. looked like a pumpkin. or a basketball.
7. chicago didn't get the olympics. i'm bummed because that would probably have been a good excuse to visit that city and see the olympics (although i hope to visit before 2016). rio seems a little out of reach right now. 5000 mile plane ride vs half day driving. one thing i am looking forward to? an army of brazilian ladies carnival dancing during the opening ceremonies. seriously, that's all they need. china had a good opening with their 2000 drummers and magic lcd scroll, but nothing could compare with adriana lima and a few of her friends wearing headdresses made of feathers and forming a mile long conga line for 3 hours. forget the parade of nations, forget the torch lighting. that stuff is old and boring. i wanna see someone light a fire with their hips!
i probably just alienated half my readers. but everyone know's its gonna happen. i'm really only stating the obvious.
8. i need to stop starting blog entries so late. i only write at night, so by the time i finish some of these, it's like 2 am. tonight was a little better. good night.
Friday, October 2, 2009
Muse/U2 concert
today, i can scratch off two of the items on my bucket list. #23 "see muse in concert" and #16 "see U2 in concert." i should get a bonus for doing both in one night.
(no, i don't actually have a bucket list)
a few of my favorite songs by each band:
muse
hysteria: the song that launched my love affair with this band.
knights of cydonia: this video was actually taken at tonight's concert. looks like the camera man was watching from outside the stadium. the first years who live right across the street got a heck of a show without even having to buy tickets.
U2
these next two were also taken by someone at tonight's concert. albeit, by someone a lot closer to the action.
mysterious ways
stuck in a moment: check out the pipes on 'the edge' at 3:53
some more thoughts:
1. their stage/setup was RIDICULOUS. i have never seen such a huge, complicated, enormous monstrosity of a stage in my life. if you've ever played halo (nerd alert), it looked almost exactly like a scarab, except 10 times bigger. 360 degree circular stage, moving bridges, expanding video board, countless lights, camera men, disco balls, the list goes on and on. i tried to count the number of speakers but got to 216 and gave up. and that was only one side of the stage. it took over 126 tractor trailers just to haul the entire thing into charlottesville and i've heard it takes $750,000 to set up and tear down the entire production every time they do it. that is an enormous amount of money. especially considering this is only the second leg of a year long, 3 leg, world wide tour. i can only imagine how they ship the entire thing overseas. must be a logistical nightmare. and thats not the worst part. apparently, there are 3 of these alien stages touring with them. im guessing because one takes so long to tear down/set up, they have to have a regular rotation going. unbelievable.
2. because of this, apparently they still have yet to turn a profit after 3 months of touring. i guess its not really of great importance to bono what the profit margin on his current tour is (seeing as how he's a millionaire rockstar with a somewhat humanitarian outlook on life), but still, i hope they're at least covering their costs. i know they're trying to have net zero emissions by using some kind of carbon footprint offset donation strategy, which makes me feel a little better about paying them my hard earned money. i can just imagine environmentalists cringing at the energy costs alone. still, its safe to say that this probably doesn't help the profit margins either.
3. judge me all you want for liking U2. they are a seminal band who practically invented many of the effects used in recording today. first band to widely use delays, feedback loops, etc. to a great effect. not to mention its been almost 30 years since they started, and they don't look to be stopping any time soon. most bands can't keep things fresh past their 2nd or 3rd studio album. U2 has 12. they also use their fame to spread goodwill and humanitarian aid throughout the world. most people say they don't like bono because he's "too political." give me a break. he's using the sway he has to try to bring about good things. if he wants to use the stage as a soapbox every once in awhile, fine by me. better than sitting at home watching tv all day.
that was longer than i intended. great way to start fall break.
(no, i don't actually have a bucket list)
a few of my favorite songs by each band:
muse
hysteria: the song that launched my love affair with this band.
knights of cydonia: this video was actually taken at tonight's concert. looks like the camera man was watching from outside the stadium. the first years who live right across the street got a heck of a show without even having to buy tickets.
U2
these next two were also taken by someone at tonight's concert. albeit, by someone a lot closer to the action.
mysterious ways
stuck in a moment: check out the pipes on 'the edge' at 3:53
some more thoughts:
1. their stage/setup was RIDICULOUS. i have never seen such a huge, complicated, enormous monstrosity of a stage in my life. if you've ever played halo (nerd alert), it looked almost exactly like a scarab, except 10 times bigger. 360 degree circular stage, moving bridges, expanding video board, countless lights, camera men, disco balls, the list goes on and on. i tried to count the number of speakers but got to 216 and gave up. and that was only one side of the stage. it took over 126 tractor trailers just to haul the entire thing into charlottesville and i've heard it takes $750,000 to set up and tear down the entire production every time they do it. that is an enormous amount of money. especially considering this is only the second leg of a year long, 3 leg, world wide tour. i can only imagine how they ship the entire thing overseas. must be a logistical nightmare. and thats not the worst part. apparently, there are 3 of these alien stages touring with them. im guessing because one takes so long to tear down/set up, they have to have a regular rotation going. unbelievable.
2. because of this, apparently they still have yet to turn a profit after 3 months of touring. i guess its not really of great importance to bono what the profit margin on his current tour is (seeing as how he's a millionaire rockstar with a somewhat humanitarian outlook on life), but still, i hope they're at least covering their costs. i know they're trying to have net zero emissions by using some kind of carbon footprint offset donation strategy, which makes me feel a little better about paying them my hard earned money. i can just imagine environmentalists cringing at the energy costs alone. still, its safe to say that this probably doesn't help the profit margins either.
3. judge me all you want for liking U2. they are a seminal band who practically invented many of the effects used in recording today. first band to widely use delays, feedback loops, etc. to a great effect. not to mention its been almost 30 years since they started, and they don't look to be stopping any time soon. most bands can't keep things fresh past their 2nd or 3rd studio album. U2 has 12. they also use their fame to spread goodwill and humanitarian aid throughout the world. most people say they don't like bono because he's "too political." give me a break. he's using the sway he has to try to bring about good things. if he wants to use the stage as a soapbox every once in awhile, fine by me. better than sitting at home watching tv all day.
that was longer than i intended. great way to start fall break.
Thursday, October 1, 2009
if you spell "awkward" backward, you get "daniel pyon"
I know college is supposed to make everyone more eloquent and help develop social skills for the "real world" and all, but I can't shake the feeling that it's done the exact opposite for me.
Over the past three years, I've noticed that I can be a pretty awkward guy. I absolutely hate being in one on one situations with people I just met, or barely know through acquaintances. Some people can take nothing and make conversations (even friendships) out of it. Not me. I tend to just stare off into empty space, totally ok with the fact that there is no conversation happening and completely ambivalent as to what the other person might think of me. I don't know whether its because I don't care enough of their opinion of me to impress them with small talk, or because I care too much about their opinion that I dare not ruin it all by opening my big mouth. Probably a little of both.
It's gotten to the point where I purposely avoid making eye contact with people that I know but have nothing to say to when I pass them on grounds or in the dining hall. (I am a pro at this. Or... at least I think I am. Maybe people notice me avoiding them. Which makes it even more awkward.)
Example. Today I was in the coffee shop and saw a professor across the way. I pretended not to notice, but it was too late. He caught me looking and turning away. Already an awkward situation. He came over and we said hi. Usually, people will say hi and go their separate ways. Not this time. I could tell he wanted to make small talk because he stood next to me. I, of course, was only thinking about what I wanted to order and wishing he would leave. He did. Fifteen seconds later (I counted). A sufficiently awkward way to start my day.
Also, I feel very awkward when people give me compliments. I'm sure its not as bad as I make it out to be, but I can't help but to think I should say something more than, "Thanks." I think it has something to do with the fact that I don't think I deserve them. Or, it could be because I don't like being the subject of attention.
I think it also has to do with my preconceived notions about an encounter with someone. If I think beforehand that a situation will be awkward, it usually turns out that way. Maybe its all mental. Could mean I have hope. I just have to remember to go into situations with a positive outlook. Somehow I don't think its that easy.
Ok bye. (How's that for an awkward ending?)
Over the past three years, I've noticed that I can be a pretty awkward guy. I absolutely hate being in one on one situations with people I just met, or barely know through acquaintances. Some people can take nothing and make conversations (even friendships) out of it. Not me. I tend to just stare off into empty space, totally ok with the fact that there is no conversation happening and completely ambivalent as to what the other person might think of me. I don't know whether its because I don't care enough of their opinion of me to impress them with small talk, or because I care too much about their opinion that I dare not ruin it all by opening my big mouth. Probably a little of both.
It's gotten to the point where I purposely avoid making eye contact with people that I know but have nothing to say to when I pass them on grounds or in the dining hall. (I am a pro at this. Or... at least I think I am. Maybe people notice me avoiding them. Which makes it even more awkward.)
Example. Today I was in the coffee shop and saw a professor across the way. I pretended not to notice, but it was too late. He caught me looking and turning away. Already an awkward situation. He came over and we said hi. Usually, people will say hi and go their separate ways. Not this time. I could tell he wanted to make small talk because he stood next to me. I, of course, was only thinking about what I wanted to order and wishing he would leave. He did. Fifteen seconds later (I counted). A sufficiently awkward way to start my day.
Also, I feel very awkward when people give me compliments. I'm sure its not as bad as I make it out to be, but I can't help but to think I should say something more than, "Thanks." I think it has something to do with the fact that I don't think I deserve them. Or, it could be because I don't like being the subject of attention.
I think it also has to do with my preconceived notions about an encounter with someone. If I think beforehand that a situation will be awkward, it usually turns out that way. Maybe its all mental. Could mean I have hope. I just have to remember to go into situations with a positive outlook. Somehow I don't think its that easy.
Ok bye. (How's that for an awkward ending?)
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