my christmas

first, i'd like to wish everyone a (late) merry christmas.  hope your day was filled with lots of food, family, friends, and fun.  if you'd like a rundown of my hectic but very happy christmas, head on over to my sister's tumblr for a humorous recap.

after the fun-filled festivities were over and everyone had gone back to their respective homes, i went upstairs to put away some of my newly acquired shirts, only to realize that my closet was getting way too crowded.  so, i decided to get rid of all my clothes that i had outgrown (physically or stylistically) over the years.  now, mind you, i hadn't done this since before i left for college (summer of 2006!), so by the end of the evening, i had about four trash bags worth of unwanted clothing.

i thought this was going to be a quick and easy process, but, as i was going through my drawers, i was soon confronted with the painful realization that i was quite possibly the world's worst dresser throughout high school.  words cannot even begin to describe the tragedy. so, for your viewing pleasure (or horror), i have included some pictures of the more impressive pieces that made up my wardrobe for much of that era.

first, we have a pair of baggy jorts (one of many).  you may be thinking, "eh, they're bad, but not that bad."  this may be true, but only if jorts are worn on occasion.  i wore jorts 95% of the time.  the other 5%, i was either naked, or wearing a pair of....

carpenter jeans!  funny story about this particular pair of carpenter jeans.  the day i bought these pants, i came home and showed my sister, only to have her shriek in horror "CARPENTER JEANS? YOU CAN'T WEAR THOSE!!!"  she then proceeded to tell me how they are a fashion faux pas and no respectable human being would ever be caught dead in them.  so, i never wore them.  thats right, i bought them and never once put them on after that day.  i've decided this means i was either really insecure back then, or really respected my sister's advice when it came to fashion.  probably a little bit of both.

next we have...

a nautica t-shirt.  nautica was my absolute favorite brand back in the day.  i know this is only one picture of one shirt, but trust me when i say this was one out of MANY.  i didn't count, but i must have seen at least 10 different shirts go in the trash bags, all emblazoned with "NAUTICA" across the front.  all shameless brand propaganda that my teenage mind eagerly bought into.

next...

my second favorite brand, tommy hilfiger.  i should point out that 80% of the clothing i found (including this lovely number) were sized either large or extra large.  i think i intentionally bought clothes one size too big as an answer to my fascination with all things baggy, but this eventually turned into a necessity as i slowly but surely started to grow into my "baggy" clothing as i gained weight.  needless to say, my high school years weren't my most attractive... more evidence below.

i don't even wanna talk about this one...

some other quality finds:

my baby/securty blanket.  its hard to believe, but this used to have colorful pictures of dinosaurs on it.  i played with it so much that its completely white now.

some time ago, i decided that, of my two school colors, blue looked the best on me.  and here you see the result.

my awesome best buy shirt.

the final result.  4 bags of clothes for goodwill, and some much needed closet space.  i should do this more often.  cleaning out the closet is therapeutic.

!@#$%^

im so mad.  i got a haircut today and i told the lady to leave it long on top b/c its cold outside and half an hour later, I LOOK LIKE I'M JOINING THE $&*#%*&# MARINES.  

there must have been a HUGE misunderstanding on her part, b/c i think i made my instructions pretty clear.  

this is my second haircut post.  both have been negative.  needless to say, my luck does not seem to be improving.  :(

asldghjawoeghiagleawghoeawlmkaewfoihawegiaAHOIJAOIHAWOTHOAWHTEOWEHIJFOAJDSLKMKLCPO

happy day

my last day of college was a hectic one.  for some reason, even though i went to bed at midnight last night, i couldn't fall asleep until well past 3. i was really irritated b/c i had to wake up at 7:15 the next morning. i kept getting overwhelmed by all these thoughts and anxieties that would just pop up randomly in my head.  i guess its not everyday that one marks the end 17 years of combined education, so maybe the thoughts were justified in some sense.  


anyway, that sleepless night ended at 7:15 am, which is the earliest i have been awake this semester.  i think its also the first time i ate breakfast at a dining hall this year.   thinking back, it probably would have been a good idea to schedule some classes before 11 this semester so i could get used to the feeling of being awake before 9.  regardless, my body was not enjoying the abrupt change in sleeping schedule.  i dont think i was even fully awake by the time my exam started at 9.  luckily i think i got through it ok.  i dont think there's anything quite like the feeling you get when you realize you just finished the last question on your last exam ever.  no joke, my heart was beating out of my chest as i turned in the paper, thanked the professor, and walked out the door.  everything inside me wanted to yell out "SO LONG SUCKERS" as i left, but i thought it might be a little much, so i refrained.  


then came the hard part.  i had to figure out a way to get all my clothes, tv, bedding, and computer stuff out of my apartment and into my tiny little acura integra.  i put all my clothes (minus the clothes hanging in my closet) in trash bags and one small suitcase and shoved them in my back seat.  i dunno how i managed to close my trunk with everything inside.  but it worked, and after 12 trips back and forth from my apartment to the car, i finally left charlottesville for good (not quite, i still have to go back in may and get my bed/dresser/desk).  


now i'm sitting at home on the couch with my dog watching oprah.  life is good.

things

1.  took one final today after studying all day yesterday.  it was short and not too hard (i hope).  now all that stands between me and freedom is one more final.  and i have a week to prepare.  and the prof. is letting us use a cheat sheet.  this seems like the perfect recipe for procrastination.

2.  my phone kept vibrating during my final. so, after the test, i checked it and i had two missed calls and a voicemail from a potential job opportunity.  it wouldn't be so bad if it was the first time, but we've been playing phone tag for weeks now, so i was pretty agitated.  but i called him back and he said he'd like to have me in for an interview in early January!  hope it works out.

3.  started reading "blink" by malcolm gladwell today.  its an interesting book, but even more interesting because he talks about one of my previous psych professors in it.  apparently my professor helped design some experiment (implicit associations test) that tests whether people have implicit biases toward (and against) certain races.  thought provoking stuff.

4.  uva soccer takes on wake forest tonight for the college cup semifinal game.  go hoos.

getting into that christmas spirit

snow + holiday concert with the cville/university symphony orchestra = me in a christmas-y mood.  can't really imagine the season without the music that goes along with it. 

i'm not usually a sappy or sentimental person when it comes to christmas-time (i usually ask for money), but this year, for some reason, i can't help but become overwhelmed with excitement when i think about the season.  example: i found myself listening to the all-christmas song station for the first time in a while today.  maybe it's because this christmas will be my first christmas without having to worry about going back to school the next month.  it takes some stress off and allows me to just enjoy the present.  but that comes with its own challenges.  im sure when i find out how bleak the job market really is, i'll beg to come back. 

i think i'm ready to be out on my own.  which won't really be the case, b/c everyone knows i'll be living with my parents again, but you know what i mean.  i hope it doesn't become high school all over again, with curfews and stuff.  part of me wants to stay at home and not pay for laundry (or food) ever, but another part of me secretly wants my parents to kick me out after a couple months so i can learn to be independent (and cook).  that part of me also wants/needs a job.

applied to be a substitute teacher today cuz i'm not hearing back from the census bureau and i need work.  we'll see about that. 

said my first "good byes" today.  we finished cleaning up the instrument room after the concert and someone said, "aw, this is your last concert.  we probably won't see each other for awhile."  i think that's when it really hit me.  after these next two weeks, everything that has been my life for the past 4 years is over and done with.  i didn't really have anything to say then b/c i'm terrible at good-byes and being the center of attention, but i will dearly miss the people that have been a part of my life at U. Va.  my sentimental side wants to stay in touch, but reality says a lot of the bonds made during these past four years will become weakened or cut in the future. don't really know how i feel about that. i guess i'm glad i got the opportunity to meet such wonderful people. hopefully i have had as much as an impact on them as they have had on me. and there are still many more goodbyes to be said.  i should get on that before time runs out. 

being in such a contemplative mood always leaves me kind of sad.  so, to cheer myself up, i watched some youtube videos.  here's one of the gems i ran across today (thanks, stacey).



hope you all find time to experience the joy of the season and to celebrate the love of the one who gives us reason to be joyful.

forget hillsong...

ncfc needs to start doing worship like this.

thanksgiving

(edit: picture should be fixed now)

today, i am thankful for my family.  here is a picture of everyone on my dad's side.

1 grandma +
6 children +
12 grandchildren (me included)+
3 great-grandchildren +
9 wives/husbands/in-laws =

31 beautiful people

(yes, we also did a 'goofy' pic)

thanksgiving break

due to my extremely fortuitous class schedule (no monday or friday classes) and my willingness to skip (one lecture on tuesday), i started my thanksgiving break last thursday afternoon.  if it sounds like i'm bragging, it's because i am.  :)

a quick recap so far:


thursday: finished class at 3:15, packed and drove to ashburn.  almost killed myself a) because it was raining, b) visibility was low, c) i was speeding, d) i was sleepy.  but i managed to get home in one piece.  spent the rest of the evening watching tv and playing with the dog.  my sister also got home that evening.  family reunion!

friday: played a round of golf with dad at 10 am.  i hadn't touched my clubs since october and it showed.  shot a 118.  yikes.  in the afternoon, went to ncfc md campus for a revival and saw lots of friends for the first time in months.  good to see them again. 

saturday: went to the mall with stacey and spent most of the afternoon watching college football.  in the evening, had dinner with va campus oikos members (moby dick) and then to md again for the last night of the revival. 

sunday: thanksgiving sunday.  ate thanksgiving food at church (really quite good) and succumbed to a massive food coma during the service.  shouldn't have had that second plate of sides only.  after church, drove to md again (3 days in a row for those who are counting) for a timothy retreat planning meeting.  im thinking of moving to md after i graduate.  god knows i spend all my time there already. 

today:  bummed allllll day.  life is good.

things to look forward to:
tues - movies with f
wed - impact potluck
thurs - thanksgiving w/ fam
fri - golf again
sat - josh and tina's wedding
mon - back to school

Classy?

many of you know it is a so called "tradition" at uva to dress up for football games.  "guys in ties, girls in pearls" is the mantra.  i think its safe to say, every other school in america (save a few others in the south) snickers when uva football is mentioned because the aforementioned image is the one that comes to mind.  well, believe it or not, this movement, like any other fashion movement, is not without its detractors.  I personally always found it a little bit ridiculous when people would say "lets be classy" then down a fifth of vodka before passing out midway through the 1st quarter, but i never raised my voice.  that is, until today. 

here is an actual letter to the editor that was published in our school paper today, i've bolded all the important parts in case it's too long:

"Class Act" 

Tuesday’s opinion column, “Putting on Airs,” argued that U.Va. students create an “embarrassing” atmosphere on game days by following the tradition “Guys in Ties, Girls in Pearls.” I couldn’t disagree more. Since my first day at U.Va., I have worn a dress and a three tiered strand of pearls to every football game. I pride myself on always upholding this tradition. I firmly believe that by wearing button down shirts or dresses, students show their pride and respect for the University as well as for its sports teams. At the William & Mary game, for example, I walked into the stadium behind two girls wearing sports bras who had painted their bodies green. They were discussing how “fancy” the girls at U.Va. dressed for games. In that moment, I felt a swell of pride. No girl at U.Va. would ever attend a football game so underdressed, and the fact that we dress like sophisticated women shows our confidence and respect for ourselves.


I do agree, however, that there should be a change in the implementation of “Guys in Ties, Girls in Pearls,” but I do not agree that this should be done by telling students to wear T-shirts. Instead, students should be encouraged to dress traditionally, but to do so in shades of blue and orange. I’m originally from Georgia, and my best friend attends UGA. She wears a red or black dress to every single game, as do all the other female students. Guys at UGA wear red and black bow ties or oxfords. As a result, the stadium is a sea of red and black. The ideal game day outfit is not a T-shirt and jeans — this is a fundamental shift away from the principles of U.Va. — but rather a classic, traditional outfit in shades of color that show support for our football team. In fact, corner stores other than Mincer’s and the Student Bookstore should encourage this trend: Finch, for example should have a selection of appropriate game dresses in blue and orange.

----


suffice it to say, the banality of this girls argument astounded me.  in fact, the sheer stupidity of her reasoning led me to write a little something of my own.  now, most of you know, i'm a pretty even tempered guy.  not much gets me riled up.  i used to even laugh at people who responded to letters to the editor, but i guess that's all behind me now. 

my response:

I think it’s funny how you think wearing a t-shirt and jeans to a game is in your words a “fundamental shift away from the principles of UVa.” Really? What principles would those be? The one that says the only way for girls to show their confidence and self-respect at games is to wear a gaudy outfit and a “three tiered strand of pearls?” That’s a terrible principle if you ask me. I hope there are girls here that find self-respect and confidence in things other than expensive jewelry and frilly clothing. What if I think going all out, with no regard for your personal image, and painting your body to show your support for your team shows more so-called confidence in yourself and respect for your team? Anyone can wear a nice dress in public. Not many people are willing dedicate the time and put up with the humiliation that comes from painting their body to support their team.


The only “principle” at U. Va. regarding fashion that I can think of comes from the mouth of Thomas Jefferson himself. “In matters of style, swim with the current. In matters of principle, stand like a rock.” In this day and age, I’d say the “current” is strongly going in the direction of dressing comfortably for football games. Jefferson himself would be appalled at how many students try to stick to this antiquated tradition for tradition’s sake. News flash, Jefferson was one of the most progressive men of his day. He knew that useless tradition and pageantry only suffocated the formation of new ideas and culture. An unwillingness to break from tradition is what lost the British the Revolutionary War. It is what keeps confederate flags waving on porches in neighborhoods across the south today.

I’m not saying everyone should wear an orange t-shirt to games. I personally could not care less about what the guy next to me is wearing (as long as it covers all the important bits). If you feel compelled to dress up for a football game, then so be it. Go all out. Dress to the nines. However, I do have a problem when people start thinking that they need to dress up to somehow honor the memory of Thomas Jefferson or the University. Or, when people find their “self-respect and confidence” from the little logo stitched into their clothing label and how many more strands of pearls they have than the next girl. You honor the University by acting with decency and honesty in all situations. Not by wearing a nice dress or blazer. Definitely not by stumbling drunkenly down a muddy hill in it. Classy indeed.

-----

i've put up with the crap for too long.  nice to finally get some frustration off my chest.  although i suppose i could have just screamed obscenities into the air.  it would  have probably taken less time. 

john mayer wrote a song about me

insomnia = $@$#%&#!!!!

for the past week, i haven't been able to get a good night's sleep. i think, early on, it had to do with my cold/coughing. i figured out that lying down put pressure on my chest which made me cough like crazy. i had to resort to sleeping in my (semi) comfy chair, with my legs propped up on my desk chair and a blanket over me. it worked decently, but i'd wake up in the morning feeling sore and cold. but last night, i wasn't even coughing (much), and i tossed and turned until i ended up drifting away to sleep past 5 am (!). i think my body ended up adjusting to my new sleeping habits and refused to fall asleep.

that's why im up this late, writing this blog entry. kind of scared to go to bed. but i also realize i have to get my body back on a remotely "normal" schedule somehow, so i guess i have to try again tonight.

somebody read me a bed time story and sing me a lullaby.

happy guinness world records day

who invents a sport like this?

bleh

i had the worst fever i've ever had in my life last night.  woke up at 4ish and couldn't fall back asleep cuz my feet and hands were ice cold but the rest of me was burning up.  felt like i had to throw up but didn't want to so i was nauseous all night too.  woke up this morning shivering and soaked with sweat.  skipped two of my classes, went to student health, bought a thermometer and some lozenges, took four separate, hour long naps throughout the day, went to a 3 hour long orchestra rehearsal, came back and watched the office.

it was a rough day.  i'm feeling better now though.  thank god for tylenol ultra strength.

halloween weekend

1.  friday, i went to kings dominion again.  we were successful this time.  we took a pretty big group too;  thirteen people in all.  they were open from 7 pm to 12 am for their annual "Halloween Haunt" festivities.  basically, they transform certain areas of the park into "scare zones" by placing fog machines, scary decor, and  creepy actors dressed up as zombies, ghouls, etc. to scare park guests.   they also transform various attractions (bumper cars, arcade, certain rides' queue lines) into themed haunted houses/mazes.  the one we visited was meant to look like a back hills' slaughter house with deranged zombie butchers wielding butchers' knives and chainsaws.  it was mildly amusing.  i even got startled at one point, when at the very end, right before the exit, a guy jumped out with a fake chainsaw.  i almost took a swing at him.  and, of course, most of the rides were open as well. 

on the way there, i realized i hadn't been in over 2 years.  i guess absence makes the heart grow fonder, because i started to get really excited (like a little kid).  i should mention that that park has a special place in my heart.  when i was thirteen, i had a really bad fear of roller coasters.  i decline to use the word phobia because that has a pathological connotation.  i can't blame it on being some kind of medical issue.  i was just a wimp.  i was always the kid who waited outside the ride exit and watched everyone else's stuff while they enjoyed themselves. 

sometime during 8th grade, i decided i had enough.  girls started to make fun of me (btw, for any 8th grade girls out there who may be reading this, not cool).  around this time, i was also really into the game "roller coaster tycoon"   for those of you who don't know, its kind of like sim city, but with amusement parks.  yes, i realize that its kind of like being really into mario brothers despite having an irrational fear of italian plumbers, but i was a weird kid.  anyway, i guess my interest in the game piqued my interest for the real thing, so i decided one day that i would conquer my fear once and for all.

i invited a friend from school, asked my dad to drive us, and went down to kings dominion that saturday.  when we got there, i immediately noticed the size of the coasters.  looking at animated depictions of roller coasters on a 17 inch computer monitor cannot do them justice.  the second thing i noticed were how loud they were.  (a small aside, i also kind of don't like loud noises.  another topic for another post.  stay tuned)  just as i started to doubt the whole thing and run back to the car however, i was pulled by my dad and friend into the line for "the grizzly."  my friend was actually really cool about the whole thing.  i had told him previously about my fear and my goal, and he totally understood that we would play it slow that day.  he was very encouraging and didn't tease me at all.  the same thing goes for my dad (who i took my first ride with.)   yes, there is nothing like having your dad next to you to calm your nerves.  anyway, the car pulled up to the station, we got in, buckled our seat belts and heard "all clear."  i was shaking as the train rolled up out of the station, onto the first hill.  i guess my dad noticed, because he grabbed on to me tightly and told me the best way to get rid of the anxiety was to scream on the way down. that helped.  as we crested the hill, with my heart pounding out of my chest, i let out the most terrified, primal, relieving screams of my life.  as soon as i got my wits about me, i realized i was enjoying myself.  needless to say, it was one of the greatest moments of my young life.  overcoming a fear and enjoying yourself while doing so.  i still remember the look on my dad's face as i told him that it was fun.  i enjoyed it so much that we rode every single other coaster in the park that day.  since then, i've been a roller coaster fiend.  i cannot get enough. ask my family.  i consider a family vacation to be a waste if we havent been to at least one amusement park during the week. 

so, on friday, as i rode some of my old favorites, all of those happy memories came back to me.  fun times.

2.  for halloween, i actually didn't have a costume planned until 6 pm that evening.  our football team had just lost to duke (leaving us with a dismal 3-5 record), so i decided to dress up as al groh, the head coach, and wear a sign on my back saying "I NEED A JOB" (cuz he sure as hell isnt staying here one more season). here's a side by side comparison.

pretty good, no?  i got a couple death threats from people that night, but as soon as i showed them my back, they got it and laughed.  the only bad thing about the night was that it started raining pretty heavily later that evening. 

other things i noticed. 

1. where the wild things are was a very popular theme.  i saw at least 2 max's and a couple 'wild things'
2. sometimes simple = best.  6 guys dressed up as tetris blocks during the football game and one by one descended the "hill" (an all grass student seating area) until they all stacked together at the bottom.  i think they won a 100 dollar prize or something. 
3.  its best to stay in, at small gatherings during halloween.  bars/clubs were packed.  literally, i could not move because people were so close together. 
4.  dressing slutty and then calling it "cute" doesnt change the fact that you look like a ho.  also, if your tube top says 3XL, try another costume.  just because they make it doesnt mean you should wear it.  you don't see oprah wearing spandex do you?   i hope you all get swine flu.

all in all, an enjoyable weekend. 

the real thing

went to the job fair yesterday.  got a buncha stuff:  cupholders, cellphone holsters, pens, staplers, thumb drive, tons of brochures, and an interview. :)

i guess most companies don't give out interviews at job fairs.  the fairly standard response i got was, "go to our website and fill out an application."  which left me wondering , "why did i come here if i could have just stayed at home, on the computer, in comfortable clothing no less." what's the point of sending recruiters to college campuses all across the country if they just give out information i can easily find on your company's website ?  (besides all the free goodies they give out)

but i guess the census bureau is really actively looking for people because about 5 mins into our conversation, the recruiter told me to sign up for a preliminary interview with him the next day (today).  so, around 10 this morning, i trekked all the way across grounds to the stadium (they hold interviews in the private boxes) and  talked with him for a good 45 mins.  he told me some stuff about the bureau and asked me some general questions (what makes a good leader etc) and i feel like we hit it off pretty well.  we even had an in depth conversation about the future of dc sports teams (prognosis?  good things coming for everything except football.)  he said i'd be a perfect fit for the bureau and that he'd actively shop my name around the office whenever employment issues come up.  on top of that, jenny kim from church (who also works there and got me interested in the first place) is trying to get my name "out there" as well. 

so i feel like my chances of getting contacted are pretty decent.  its not a 100% guarantee, but because i'm graduating in december and (hopefully) firmly expressed my desire to work there, i think i have a shot. 

in the mean time, i'm gonna be filling out more applications just in case i don't hear back. 

the downside of today was 1. i had to walk around all day in a suit. 2. i was late to a class b/c of the interview 3. i had a test that may or may not have gone well.

but hopefully, if all works out in the end, it will have been worth it.

embarrassing

i know i already posted it on facebook, but i thought i'd elaborate...

this story starts yesterday, as i was sitting in my very dry econ lecture, pondering my future.  the teacher was talking about how people forgo wages right after high school and pay to go to college, all to receive an expected higher wage in the future (labor economics 101).  this got me thinking whether this idea will actually come true for me.  my mind started thinking about how i haven't gotten any interviews yet, and how i will probably have to do some sort of menial labor for the next 30 years because the universe hates me and i hate my major.  needless to say it was a depressing sort of day.

fast forward to later that afternoon.  i returned home, not completely out of my existential funk, and was pleasantly surprised to find an email about a career fair sitting in my inbox.  i opened it up, expecting to find that it only applied to engineers, or anthropology majors, or anything that would disqualify me from attending, but lo and behold, all majors were welcome, and tons of employers would be there.  i then got an email from my econ professor about how the census bureau was actively hiring students with econ backgrounds.  till this point, i had hoped to find a government job.  not exactly great pay, but good benefits and good job security.  furthermore, i checked the list of employers who would be at the fair, and the census bureau (as well as many other fine agencies and firms) was on the list.  it had to be a sign. at this point i was ecstatic, pumping myself up, printing out resumes, practicing personal statements, researching firms, you name it.  i was motivated.

fast forward to this morning. after a good nights rest (dreaming about my now secure future), i got out my new suit, put on a freshly starched shirt, and fussed over my tie (thanks flo). 

my mind was racing at this point. actual train of thought:

 "should i take a notebook? do i need my backpack? whats the point of wearing this nice suit if i just mess up the professional image by wearing a backpack?  ok i wont wear it.  but what if i get free stuff from the fair, where will i put it?  i definitely need my resumes though, dont forget those.  where are my keys?  did i brush my teeth?" etc. 

finally, after checking myself twice in the bathroom mirror, i got out the door (god forbid i walked in there with a tag still on my suit).  i usually dont drive to grounds, but today was special so i parked in the parking garage and walked in, ready to face my destiny.  as i was walking up the stairs to the ballroom however, i noticed something kind of odd.  i didn't seem to hear any sort of commotion or crowd noise that one usually expects when walking into a crowded career fair.  i shrugged it off, thinking the doors were probably closed or no one had shown up yet.  yet when i reached the floor on which the fair was to be held, i noticed it was way too quiet.  sure enough, i opened the door to the ballroom and peeked inside.  NOBODY.  i kept thinking to myself, "calm down, they probably just moved the location." completely unwilling to face the obvious, i looked frantically for some sort of sign saying "dont worry, we moved to _____," or, "we're starting an hour later today" or, "congratulations, daniel! this is all a test, you win a million dollars for taking initiative."  no such luck. 

finally i asked the receptionist (who was eying me this entire time) why there wasn't a career fair going on.  she checked the schedule and said "i dont think we have anything scheduled for today."  i tried to convince her that i knew for a fact that a very important, potentially life changing career fair was supposed to be going on and maybe she had the wrong copy of the schedule.  she finally agreed to let me use her computer.  so, i logged back into gmail, only to find, to my horror, that the date on top of the email, in bold letters no less, said "October 27-28." 

....................................

i quickly thanked the lady for her troubles (she had the worst "im trying so hard not to laugh right now" look on her face) and walked as quickly as i could back to my car, drove back to my apt, changed out of my itchy clothing, and ran back to campus just in time to make it to my 11 o clock class. 

anyway.  that was my day.  i consider it a practice run for the real thing.  come next week, i'll be a pro at this. 

i really like it when...

...i hear a song i like, open up itunes to download it , and find out i already have it. 

and with that, i'd like to say "before the throne" (shane and shane version) is a really good song.

f the rain

today, i drove an hour and a half to kings dominion only to find out it was closed because it was raining. 

if my friends weren't in the car with me, i would have cussed.  alot.

disney/job/winning

congratulations to the uva football team for (seemingly) turning things around these past 2 weeks.  lets keep up the W's.  i hear they'll be serving turtle soup in college park next weekend. 

on a related note, the band played disney songs during halftime.  i know this is really cheesy and hokey, but for about 10 minutes, i was taken back to a much simpler time and place.  a place where mundane townspeople could break out into complex musical numbers at any given moment, where the rub of a rusty old lamp could change a guy's life forever, where a girl with identity problems could defeat the largest army the world had ever seen, bring honor to her family, AND get the guy in the end (with just a little help from her friends and a not-so-lucky cricket), where the great kings of the past took their places among the stars after they passed on and where even the most powerful evil spells could be broken by the power of (true) love.

i've been thinking about it, and i say its about time for another disney renaissance.  a re-renaissance, if you will (the first one happened in the nineties, when they were virtually untouchable).  i'm not commenting on all the current pixar/computer animated stuff (which i have no problem with, they're great movies).  i'm talking about old school disney.  the disney we all grew up with.  the last animated feature length film disney made was 'tarzan' in 1999.  since then, i'd say we've been through a whole lotta crap as a country.  america could use a over-simplified outlook on life  right now.  you think snow white had to worry about a failing economy?  or a prolonged war halfway around the world?  the only thing she had to worry about was avoiding creepy looking old ladies, keeping that cottage clean, and finding her true love.  overtly sexist agenda aside, disney movies have always been good at pointing out to people what's really important:  our friends, our loved ones, and spontaneously bursting into song every now and then.

in other news, i applied for another job today.  i had to fill out a 151 question survey and now i feel like i probably won't get it.  they all pertained to previous experience or coursework i've had, and on the scale of "no relevant coursework" all the way up to "many years of professional experience," my answers usually were near the bottom, at "some relevant coursework."   oh well.   nothing ventured, nothing gained, right?  crossing fingers....now.

or maybe i should just consult for disney.  robert iger, if you're reading this, give me a call.  i have some ideas you and i need to discuss.  two words.  mulan 2.  (kidding)

chapstick and other things

1. today, i bought some burt's bees lip balm.  i balked a little at the price (3.50!), but decided it could be worth it.  as soon as i left the bookstore, i popped the yellow cap, turned the wheel, and applied a liberal amount to my parched lips.  it was glorious.  needless to say, i don't feel girly putting on chapstick anymore.  or, i don't care enough to abstain. 

2. a group of 3 or 4 guys were going around grounds today, "preaching" at students and other passers by.  except their brand of preaching can probably be better characterized as berating/yelling/condemnation.  what made it so frustrating was that they were teaching sound biblical doctrine, just in such an insensitive and downright rude way.  i'm pretty sure the first "rule" of evangelism is that it must be done out of love.  yelling over people and screaming about how they will go to hell is not gonna help people see the love and acceptance that can be found in christ.  i even overheard two guys at the bus stop saying something along the lines of, "i'd probably listen if the guy just calmed down and wanted to have a discussion over coffee or something.  this is the perfect way to turn off everyone who happens to hear you talk." thats the way i've always seen it.  make relationships.  develop trust.  share personal testimonies.  win them over through love. 

anyway, it led me to think about the way i carry myself and portray christ through my actions.  i realized there are things i do and ways that i act that can be just as bad an influence as yelling about people going to hell.  although my actions may not be as egregious, or affect such a wide group of people, i still am responsible for the way i act.  even if it's only around a group of my close friends.  i was so quick to point out this (rather large) piece of sawdust in their eyes, yet i didn't see the 2 x 4 in mine. 

thought provoking day.

random

1. this cooler/dryer weather has left my lips extremely chapped, yet i feel girly putting on chapstick so i live with it.

2. today, my dad was lying on the floor and said, "why does it smell like pee?" after about 10 minutes of searching, we found a spot on our area rug (its dark so its hard to see stains) where pepper thought it would be a good idea to relieve herself and not tell anyone.  it was gross. 

3.  zombieland was awesome.

4. both my football teams won this weekend.  lets hope they keep it up.  its gonna be a long season if they both suck.  i'm not quite ready for basketball season yet.

5. golfing with pops tomorrow. 

6. the harvest moon (big orange full moon) these past two days was pretty sexy.  looked like a pumpkin.  or a basketball.

7. chicago didn't get the olympics.  i'm bummed because that would probably have been a good excuse to visit that city and see the olympics (although i hope to visit before 2016).  rio seems a little out of reach right now.  5000 mile plane ride vs half day driving.  one thing i am looking forward to?  an army of brazilian ladies carnival dancing during the opening ceremonies.  seriously, that's all they need.  china had a good opening with their 2000 drummers and magic lcd scroll, but nothing could compare with adriana lima and a few of her friends wearing  headdresses made of feathers and forming a mile long conga line for 3 hours.  forget the parade of nations, forget the torch lighting.  that stuff is old and boring.  i wanna see someone light a fire with their hips! 

i probably just alienated half my readers. but everyone know's its gonna happen.  i'm really only stating the obvious. 

8.  i need to stop starting blog entries so late.  i only write at night, so by the time i finish some of these, it's like 2 am.  tonight was a little better.  good night.

Muse/U2 concert

today, i can scratch off two of the items on my bucket list.  #23 "see muse in concert" and #16 "see U2 in concert."  i should get a bonus for doing both in one night. 

(no, i don't actually have a bucket list)

a few of my favorite songs by each band:

muse

hysteria: the song that launched my love affair with this band.





knights of cydonia: this video was actually taken at tonight's concert.  looks like the camera man was watching from outside the stadium.  the first years who live right across the street got a heck of a show without even having to buy tickets.





U2

these next two were also taken by someone at tonight's concert.  albeit,  by someone a lot closer to the action.

mysterious ways




stuck in a moment: check out the pipes on 'the edge' at 3:53




some more thoughts:

1. their stage/setup was RIDICULOUS.  i have never seen such a huge, complicated, enormous monstrosity of a stage in my life.  if you've ever played halo (nerd alert), it looked almost exactly like a scarab, except 10 times bigger.  360 degree circular stage, moving bridges, expanding video board, countless lights, camera men, disco balls, the list goes on and on.  i tried to count the number of speakers but got to 216 and gave up. and that was only one side of the stage.  it took over 126 tractor trailers just to haul the entire thing into charlottesville and i've heard it takes $750,000 to set up and tear down the entire production every time they do it.  that is an enormous amount of money. especially considering this is only the second leg of a year long, 3 leg, world wide tour.  i can only imagine how they ship the entire thing overseas. must be a logistical nightmare. and thats not the worst part.  apparently, there are 3 of these alien stages touring with them.  im guessing because one takes so long to tear down/set up, they have to have a regular rotation going. unbelievable.

2.  because of this, apparently they still have yet to turn a profit after 3 months of touring.  i guess its not really of great importance to bono what the profit margin on his current tour is (seeing as how he's a millionaire rockstar with a somewhat humanitarian outlook on life), but still, i hope they're at least covering their costs.  i know they're trying to have net zero emissions by using some kind of carbon footprint offset donation strategy, which makes me feel a little better about paying them my hard earned money.  i can just imagine environmentalists cringing at the energy costs alone.  still, its safe to say that this probably doesn't help the profit margins either.

3. judge me all you want for liking U2.  they are a seminal band who practically invented many of the effects used in recording today.  first band to widely use delays, feedback loops, etc. to a great effect.  not to mention its been almost 30 years since they started, and they don't look to be stopping any time soon.  most bands can't keep things fresh past their 2nd or 3rd studio album.  U2 has 12.  they also use their fame to spread goodwill and humanitarian aid throughout the world.  most people say they don't like bono because he's "too political." give me a break.  he's using the sway he has to try to bring about good things.  if he wants to use the stage as a soapbox every once in awhile, fine by me.  better than sitting at home watching tv all day.

that was longer than i intended.  great way to start fall break. 

if you spell "awkward" backward, you get "daniel pyon"

I know college is supposed to make everyone more eloquent and help develop social skills for the "real world" and all, but I can't shake the feeling that it's done the exact opposite for me.

Over the past three years, I've noticed that I can be a pretty awkward guy.  I absolutely hate being in one on one situations with people I just met, or barely know through acquaintances.  Some people can take nothing and make conversations (even friendships) out of it.  Not me.  I tend to just stare off into empty space, totally ok with the fact that there is no conversation happening and completely ambivalent as to what the other person might think of me.  I don't know whether its because I don't care enough of their opinion of me to impress them with small talk, or because I care too much about their opinion that I dare not ruin it all by opening my big mouth. Probably a little of both.


It's gotten to the point where I purposely avoid making eye contact with people that I know but have nothing to say to when I pass them on grounds or in the dining hall. (I am a pro at this.  Or... at least I think I am.  Maybe people notice me avoiding them.  Which makes it even more awkward.)

Example. Today I was in the coffee shop and saw a professor across the way. I pretended not to notice, but it was too late.  He caught me looking and turning away.  Already an awkward situation.  He came over and we said hi.  Usually, people will say hi and go their separate ways.  Not this time.  I could tell he wanted to make small talk because he stood next to me.  I, of course, was only thinking about what I wanted to order and wishing he would leave.  He did.  Fifteen seconds later (I counted). A sufficiently awkward way to start my day.

Also, I feel very awkward when people give me compliments.  I'm sure its not as bad as I make it out to be, but I can't help but to think I should say something more than, "Thanks." I think it has something to do with the fact that I don't think I deserve them. Or, it could be because I don't like being the subject of attention.

I think it also has to do with my preconceived notions about an encounter with someone.  If I think beforehand that a situation will be awkward, it usually turns out that way.   Maybe its all mental.  Could mean I have hope.  I just have to remember to go into situations with a positive outlook. Somehow I don't think its that easy.


Ok bye.  (How's that for an awkward ending?)

new look

I was unhappy with the way my blog looked, so I changed a couple things.  I think it's an improvement.  I also thought the title was pretentious sounding so I changed that too.  Hope you enjoy.

good fortune?

today, my fortune cookie said, "you will be showered with good luch" (emphasis added).

i figure this could mean one of two things.

1. you will be showered with good luck
2. you will be showered with good lunch

i dont know whether i should be happy or walk around with a heavy duty umbrella all day.

to do

(not in any particular order)

look for work
clean my desk
go to the driving range (asap)
get some brown dress shoes
buy some dress shirts
get money for ^
clip my fingernails
find my nail clipper
call home
study for econ 415 test
listen to new music from stacey
eat healthier
develop an appreciation for salads
develop an aversion to fried food
do a qt

home for the weekend

put two college kids together with a mac and this is inevitable...

random

the hunchback of notre dame

p90x day 20

they call me 'afro thunder'

we're so cool

reset

Today, I finally got fed up with my computer's slowness so I did what I should have done a long time ago.

I wiped it clean. 

That's right, I restored factory settings.  Apparently each computer comes with a CD that allows you to do this.  Envision it as an atomic bomb for your data.  Don't worry, I moved most of the important stuff to my external HD before I let the cleansing begin.

No more old episodes of entourage.  No more adware/spyware.  No more itunes installer programs (I swear I had at least 5 of those on my HD).  No more random codecs for even randomer file types that I only had to use once.  No more weather bug.  No more unused software. The list goes on and on. 

It feels like my computer has been holding in the worst load of diarrhea for the past 4 years and I unclogged the drain.  Now, everything is lightning fast.  Before, it took literally 15 minutes to boot up the home screen (True story, I timed it).  Now, it takes less than a minute.  Before, I had to cross my fingers whenever opening large programs like itunes, because I was afraid the computer would freeze (which happened more than once).  Now it can handle multiple programs at once without a hitch. 

I'm not gonna lie, it was a little bit of a pain to reinstall my printer driver and firefox and itunes and all that, but it was worth it.  The only thing I really need to do now is get a copy of microsoft office (left my cd key at home) and I'm good to go.  Good thing the bookstore sells it for 10 bucks.  Gotta love student discounts.

a small rant

Today, I was waiting at a crowded bus stop and out of the corner of my eye, I saw (and heard) a guy riding down the street on one of these...

I don't know about anyone else, but I'd rather be caught roller blading (wrist pads and all) than cruising down the road in one of these whiny, high pitched crap mobiles.  I don't know how many people were at the bus stop with me, but I'm pretty sure no one was thinking, "That guy is SO cool," as he drove by.  If you need to validate yourself by driving a motorcycle, at least make sure its adult sized.  Dude looked like a clown on a tricycle.  

 

He looked so mind bogglingly stupid that I even tried to rationalize it by thinking to myself, "Maybe he's really late to something and had no other transportation." But I realized even that excuse sucks.  What event could possibly have been so important that he needed to sacrifice all dignity to get there?    Let me put it this way: If I had to choose between missing my first child's birth and riding one of these to the hospital to get there on time, someone else is gonna be cutting the cord.  I'd rather watch the birth on video later than give up my dignity so easily (the small amount I still carry with me).

  

Call me a hater, but stupid stuff needs to be hated on.

weekend

Friday - Game night with old drumline friends.  We played charades and taboo for 3 hours.  Yes, we are college students.  No, we don't care what you think.

Saturday - Watched the public humiliation that was our football team's loss to William and Mary (an FBS team).  I didn't even know they had a football team until I saw that we were scheduled to play them.  The best part of the day was the free beer and cheeseburgers I got at some girl's tailgate before the game.  Delicious.

Sunday - Went to Portico (a church) with S.  It's a medium size church, but seems like they have their act together.   I know its superficial, but I couldn't help but notice that their service has a pretty high production value.  I'm pretty sure everyone on the worship team (and doing the sound in the back) is a professional.  Also, the speaker is pretty gifted.  Held my attention for about an hour.  Props. 

After, ate at Panera and drove home.  Eating before driving is a mistake.  I almost fell asleep numerous times.  Had to stop at a Sheetz for some coffee (which I never drink).  Luckily I had my Ipod with me.  It held me over till I got home. 

Then, Frontline (at Mclean Bible Church) with F and her friend.  I can never get over the hugeness of that place.  Also, the same thing I said about production value goes for them too.  The speaker talked about Christian community. And at one point during his sermon he said "swole."  I laughed.

Monday - Whenever I come home from school, I have a day where I get destroyed by allergies, then they go away after that.  I think its my dog.  Monday was that day.  Also, it might not help that I stayed up till 3 the night before.  I'm sure lots of factors contributed to my stuffiness and misery. 

First thing I did was attempt to mow the lawn.  I got on my scrubby clothes and walked outside, only to realize it was raining.  I secretly rejoiced (and felt guilty for doing so) and went back in.  Then, I watched the tennis match between Melanie Oudin and the Russian girl (Nadia something).  It was awesome.  I have never been so into tennis in my life.  Filled with drama and tense moments, it was a pretty exhilarating match.  The spunky 17 year old  American newcomer vs. the intimidating Russian veteran.  Sounds like some cold war era propaganda story.  If you haven't heard of it already (which is impossible if you watch ESPN at all), basically the story goes like this: Young up-and-coming American girl from Georgia is known for dropping first sets then coming back to win in most of her previous matches.  She loses 6-1 in the first set.  Battles back and wins a hard-fought set #2.  Then, with her opponent reeling, strikes the final blow and demolishes her in set 3.  Youngest player to reach the quarterfinals in a Grand Slam event since Serena back in 1999, the next great hope for American tennis, the Russian killer, yadda yadda yadda.  You should have seen me, sitting there on my couch all alone in my scrubby lawn mowing clothes, watching the match with my dog, screaming at the TV, "COME ON, ONE MORE POINT!"  Even the commentators were rooting for her, saying stuff like, "For all of us with the privilege of being involved with sport, these are the moments we live for..." Made my day. 

Then, went to Tyson's with F.  Watched "Extract."  Pretty funny comedy from the writer of "Office Space."  I could definitely see the similarities between the two.  Ate at Gordon Biersch (sp?) for the first time.  Ordered their beer sampler.  Didn't finish it.  There were some pretty funky tasting ones.  Needless to say, I am not experienced enough at beer drinking to discern the fine nuances that exist between the different varieties.  Also, ordered fish and chips.  Mistake: ordering garlic on my fries.  I just burped 5 mins ago and it still tastes like garlic.  Then, browsed the mall for a bit.  Tyson's has every store imaginable inside (How many sunglasses stores does one place need? I counted at least 3).  I was winded just walking from one end to the other.  Looked at some shoes. Decided I could wait to buy them after looking at the price.  One day I will be rich enough to shop at Nordstrom.  Yesterday was not that day.

Came home and oovoo'ed with Stacey.  It was 3 of us (4 including the dog) huddled around one webcam, talking to Stacey down in blacksburg (boo hokies).  My mom was especially amazed at the webcam technology. 

"You mean we can talk to her and see her at the same time???"
"No, Mom, we just stare at each other over the internet. Of course we can do both...."

I love my Mom.

Today - woke up early.  Allergies were gone.  Ate some cereal (Kashi Go-Lean Crunch. Can't decide if I like it or not.), filled up the car and drove back here.  Remembered that food makes me sleepy and fought drowsiness the whole way back.  This time without the help of an Ipod (battery failed).  I arrived at my apartment and the first thing I did was take a nap... at 11:15 in the morning.  I woke up feeling very out of it and went to class.  It was a mistake to schedule two 1.5 hr econ classes, one right after the other.  By the time the second one rolls around, I'm so fed up with hearing about cost curves and isoquants that it basically goes in one ear and out the other.  Luckily the second class is mostly review for now.  After that, came home, worked out (shoulders and arms, aka the "glamour workout"), showered, went to jazz, played pool, ate dinner, did hw with friends, came back to apt, wrote this blog. 

Pretty hectic weekend.

Hump day

Ordered Chinese food again today.  Guess who delivered my food?  That's right, my special friend.  This time, I was smart though.  I paid with credit card so I could just write the amount of the tip on the receipt.  I ended up tipping him close to 40 percent because I felt so bad about the last time.  I even apologized.  And it turns out, he didn't even remember!!  When I said, "Sorry about the last time," he looked at me like I was speaking a foreign language (maybe not so far from the truth).  I reminded him about our little encounter and he just said, "No big deal."  I guess all's well that ends well. 

That probably won't be the last of my blog entries mentioning him.  I'm thinking about running a series entitled, "The Adventures of Chinese food delivery guy and college boy," where I'll chronicle our journey through the school year.  The only problem is, our encounters are usually not so interesting.  Next time I'm thinking of waiting by the door with a water balloon and surprising him.  Stay tuned.

Also, I found out today that I need to procure a tuxedo sometime in the near future.  Apparently the Charlottesville University Symphony Orchestra likes to roll classy.  I called my mom to schedule a shopping trip when I come up this weekend, but she would have none of it. 

"I'm not buying you a dang tuxedo! I'm looking on craigslist."

So, for the next 20 minutes, I had to sit through her reading off craigslist entries trying to unload used tuxedos.  It went something like this...

"Look! 'Used tuxedo in Herndon.'  Oops, its from the 1960s."
"Look! 'Used tuxedo in Germantown.'  Oops, its for toddlers."
"Loo... Oops, its powder blue."

Pretty soon she realized it wasn't happening, so I think I convinced her to take me shopping.  At least if I get a used one from the store, it will fit and hopefully have been dry cleaned.

till the next time...

My Saturday

Today I did three things. 

1. Pay for Chinese food in quarters -

So, I woke up around 11 this morning and went back and forth in my mind for about an hour about whether I wanted to drive to a dining hall or order in.  My lazy side took over and I decided to order from the only place that delivers orders under 10 bucks; the local Chinese place (Too lazy to drive.  I know.  Pathetic.).  Over the years, I've ordered so much from this place that the lady who takes the orders over the phone knows me by my voice and the delivery guy and I share a special bond that could only exist between an overworked delivery man in his forties and a low tipping college student.  Knowing our relationship isn't exactly "peachy," I decided before he came that I'd tip him more than average (because I'm such a nice guy).  Ten minutes later, the doorbell rang, and sure enough, there he stood with my General Tso's lunch special and spring roll  in hand (I like to play it safe.)  He even smiled and asked me how my summer was.  We made small talk until I reached for my wallet to pay him.  At this point I was envisioning in my head the smile on his face as I'd pull out a ten and tell him to "keep the change" (all cool, like they do in the movies).  What I didn't expect was to pull out my wallet and only see 3 dollars.  I mentally kicked myself for not checking if I had enough cash before I called and suffered a minor panic attack until I remembered where I could find more cash.  My laundry fund.  (Lucky for me, getting quarters for laundry was #1 on my back to school to-do list).  So, I scampered back into my room and grabbed a fistful of quarters.  Ten seconds later, I ran out victorious, pockets jingling, and dumped 5 dollars worth of quarters into his unwilling hands.  Needless to say, he didn't even want my tip.  He just mumbled, "It's ok," and walked back up the steps to his car.  :( 

Now I can see why people stereotype college kids as bad restaurant patrons.  It sucks that I added to that stereotype.  My deepest apologies to all my college friends.  I did not represent you well today. 

The next time I order from there (if I have the balls to) I fully expect my special friend to either 1. spit in my food (which he is so entitled to do) or 2. put me on the "do not deliver to" blacklist.  Maybe God is telling me to stop eating unhealthy food. 

2.  Yoga.  Not even kidding.

Two hours passed.  After letting my stomach and shamed conscience digest what had just happened, I convinced myself to do something healthy.  (A little background knowledge.  I, along with what seems like every other male at NCFC, have faithfully been doing the famed p90x workouts). With renewed energy, I excitedly grabbed the workout manual to see what gut busting, manly workout was on the schedule for today.  Imagining sweat rolling down my glistening biceps as I'd grimace at the mirror, I did a double take when I saw what could only be a typo; "Day 4 - Yoga X." 

"Yoga X?  Get that crap out of my face.  I'm no girl.  What will the roommates think?"

In the past, when I'd thought of yoga, this is the lady that popped into my head. Manly indeed. 

I don't know what did it, but I decided to swallow my pride and get on with the workout (along with my good sport roommate, Jeremy).  Resigned to my fate, I reluctantly popped in the DVD and immediately cringed at the sound of the soothing, quasi-oriental music that wafted from my television speakers.  This was going to be a long hour and a half. 

Well, suffice it to say, I was wrong.  About everything.  Yoga is HARD.  Holy crap, I don't think I've ever sweat that much in my life.  No joke.  Mad respect for Wai Lani and all her fellow Yogis.  The things they can do with their bodies is crazy.  And a little disturbing. I never knew I was so inflexible.  I was struggling halfway into the second move and was dying by the end.  If you ever want to hear me squeal like a little girl, watch me do yoga.

3.  Wrote this blog entry.

Full day.  Got a lot done.  Proud of myself.

Haircuts

I hate getting haircuts. 

Its not that the actual process of having clippers buzz around your head for 20 minutes is so unbearable.  I think it has more to do with my inability to properly convey to the barber the way I think my hair should look.  I feel like every time I walk into a barbershop, everyone starts speaking in some code language just to spite me.  All this talk of "fades" and "tapers" and "layering" goes straight over my head.  My two most descriptive words when describing my desired cut are "short" and "long."

"Cut it short in the back and sides.  Not too short though.  A little longer on top." 

Then I usually mutter something about scissors and pray the barber knows what he's doing.   Needless to say, I've had some pretty awful haircuts in my life; everything from a modified high and tight to almost a buzz cut.  I'm thinking one day, I'll walk in there and just yell, "Shave it off!"  (Funny story.  When I went to get a cut on Monday, an Indian guy with a baseball cap walked in and showed the barber the spot on his head where his drunk friends decided one night while he was passed out that he had a little too much hair.  He had a beautiful head of hair, except the 2x2 inch box right above his forehead that had been shaven off.  I think he ended up shaving his entire head.) 

Not cutting it isn't an option either.  Some guys look good shaggy.  Others (namely me) start to look like a grizzly bear.  When my hair grows, it grows in one direction only: straight out.  After about 3 weeks, it starts to resemble the offspring of a porcupine and a chia pet. 

Maybe I should look into hats. 

New blog/thoughts

 Welcome to my new blog.  Lets get started.

People keep asking me what it feels like to be in my last semester of school.  I usually respond with, "It feels good," or, "I'm excited," and quickly try to change the subject.  I guess this is because I don't really know how I feel.  I'm a fourth year econ major with no interest in being an economist.  How would you feel?  Like you wasted your time and parents' money?  Same.  Sure, I know I'll probably find work after school ends, in an entry level position that most people would be content with, but I have bigger dreams; dreams that some would call unrealistic. 

About a year ago, I got this crazy idea that I should be doing something related to music for a living.  Sure, I had given up hopes of being an international drumming sensation a while before, but I convinced myself to keep my options open and look into what other opportunities were available.  I remembered a short conversation I had with my percussion instructor from high school where he said something along the lines of, "99 percent of the people involved in the music industry never step on a stage."  Being a laid back/not in the spotlight kind of guy, I guess I took it to heart and started to look into opportunities to learn about music production.  My first step was to take a class offered at UVa called "Intro to Music and Computers" which was basically a crash course in music production.  I figured, if I liked the class enough, it could be a sign. Well, needless to say, the teacher sucked, there was little hands on time (in a very hands on subject), and the class just wasn't as great as I had hoped it would be. 

Despite all that, I fell in love.

Something about the subject drew me in to the point where I found myself arriving to class early and even looking forward to the (sometimes terrible) lectures.  There were times when I caught myself reading the text book in my spare time (who does that?).  Needless to say, I was convinced that I had found my calling.  Now it was just up to me to 1) find the next step and 2) convince the parents that it was the right step.  I googled "recording studios in the washington dc area" and found one hit in particular that looked especially promising; a studio in Rockville that offered classes in recording techniques and music production.  This was it.  I knew exactly what I wanted to do.  I was gonna graduate from UVa as soon as possible with whatever degree they would give me, and enroll in this school to pursue my true calling.  The problem that was my future was solved.

Not so fast. 

A conversation with my parents quickly brought me back from my cloud 9 to the soggy ground that is reality. 

"Who's gonna pay for it?"
"Do you know how much these people make?" 
"It looks like you're graduating from a 4 year university to enroll in a technical school." 
"How are you going to provide for a family, not to mention yourself?" 
(this last one was a killer)

I don't want it to sound like my parents are cold-hearted dream killers who wish nothing more than to see their son crushed by the weight of his own delusions of grandeur, but they do have a more "practical" outlook on life (to put it subtly).  In my rush to find a suitable profession for myself, I realized that I had overlooked everyone else in my life.  My family is very important to me and I know someday I'll have to provide for my own.  I reluctantly looked at a list of average entry level salaries for people who graduated from this program and was pretty bummed to see that I could make more doing almost anything else.  I'm not talking pennies more either.  These salaries were looooooww...In that light, an econ degree from UVa (or any school for that matter) doesn't look so bad.  Not to mention, if I decide to enroll, I'll be paying for the school myself.  20k for 9 months.  That's on top of the student loans I need to pay back once I graduate. 

What am I trying to say?  I'm saying I'm scared.  And frustrated.  Why couldn't my "calling" have been something like medicine or law?  At least you're guaranteed some level of comfort after the 8 or so years of hell you go through.  With this music school, I could very well be wasting my time and not see a dime of return for the tons of money I could spend.  Do I really even know what I'm getting myself into?

Anyway, I'm not asking for advice or pity.  This is by every definition of the word, a rant.  I feel better already.

I promise not all my posts will be this emo or long.  Just needed to get this off my chest.

love all you guys