restless

as much as i love not having to worry about things like class schedules and homework and online wait lists anymore, these past couple weeks have reminded me that i'm at my best when i don't have hours and hours of free time to waste.  case in point, i now know the daytime tv schedules of all the broadcast channels like the back of my hand.  i think my parents have caught on to this, because they've recently started giving me things to do while they're off at work (vacuum, pick up x-item from y-location, fix ____ , etc.).  i've also started to dig into my pile of books i got from urbana. 1 down, 6 to go.  maybe i'll finish before i start working.  

other things.  i received my diploma in the mail today.  so i guess its official, im a college grad.  it wasn't that bad of a shock though because i was already forced to come to terms with it a while back when i tried to sign into uva's online student ticketing system for basketball games and got denied :( .  that's when it really hit me.  

i also received 2 notices in the mail saying i need to start paying back student loans come july.  same message as my diploma, worse medium.

to face my new financial responsibilities head-on, i made an account on www.mint.com.  its a personal budgeting website that links to your online banking account to show you how you spend your money and give you alerts if you spend over your set budget. i felt so good about myself for taking initiative to get my finances straight, until i got a warning email telling me that as of right now, my net worth is in the red... so i need to start working pronto.  i know i'm supposed to find worth in god and identity in christ, but the realization that you are worth less than $0 to the rest of the world is still pretty humbling.  

but while this all sounds melancholy and brooding, it's amazing what an unexpected round of golf with your dad can do for one's psyche.  one nice drive and you feel like you're on top of the world.  it was a good day.

been awhile?

i thought it had been a really long time since the last time i updated this thing, but a week and a half doesn't seem that long now that i think about it.  maybe it's just because i've been sitting on my butt doing nothing all day but watch tv and the occasional house chore for the duration of that week and a half.

but not anymore!  after interviewing with the census bureau last week, i got an official job offer today!  now comes the fun part of filling out a plethora of forms and paperwork, as well as getting a background check done (includes going to the police department to get fingerprinted), and orientation.  it was such a relief to open up the email and see a big, bold CONGRATULATIONS!! from the hr lady who sent it.  she seems like a nice person.  god bless people like her.  and all the people who have helped me along the way.  i wouldn't have even gotten the opportunity to interview had it not been for the efforts of a friend of mine from church who works there.  there are countless more, from the career counselor at U. Va. who helped me update my resume and gave me some interview pointers, to my cousin who helped me practice my handshake (not even joking), to my parents who have been ever-supportive of me this entire time and were gracious enough to let me come back home to live with them after college.  they said it was to save money.  i think it's because they like having me around.

so, the earliest i can come in for orientation is mid february (i know its far away), which means i am a free man for one month longer (free and bored).  then its 9-5:30 till i retire.  ugh, maybe i should rethink this whole "graduating from college early so i can work" nonsense.  :)

urbana

as many of you know, i recently came back from urbana 09, a student mission's conference held every three years in st. louis, MO.  about 17,000 students, campus staff workers, and pastors came together to learn about the state of God's global kingdom work and how they can get involved.  each day was jam packed with great speakers, incredible worship, drama, dance, thought-provoking seminars, and insightful bible studies.  it allowed me to experience a week without all the distractions of school, career, media, sports, the list goes on and on.

while the conference was very much outward focused (what do you expect from a mission conference?), i couldn't help but to gain some insight about the state of things in my spiritual life.  leave it to me to learn more about myself than others at a missions conference... self-centered much?  regardless, god showed me some shortcomings in my life that were limiting my effectiveness as a servant for his kingdom.  it was almost as if he was saying, "before you can go out and make a difference in other people's lives, examine your own heart.  do you really love me?  do you really care about making my name great?"  i got hit pretty hard by a sobering reality check during one of the speaker's talks about money and possessions.  these past couple months, i've really been occupied with the next step in my life and how i'll become financially independent and make the best career decision for my life.  when i heard a story about multi-millionaires who chose long ago (when they were young and poor) to live on a fixed income no matter what they made, i was taken aback.  these are the kinds of decisions i should be praying (or at least thinking) about now, while i'm young.

i also learned a little bit more about my own path to salvation.  one of the seminars talked about how the path to salvation is just that, a path, not a single point of conversion.  it's only at the very end of that path that non-believers make the choice to follow christ.  i think too many christians are too concerned about that last step in the process, just focused on adding numbers but not focused enough on the (often harder) steps that lead up to the point of conversion.  the guy who led the seminar wrote a book after he interviewed thousands of new believers about their path to christ.  surprisingly, most of them followed a very similar route with 5 common thresholds they crossed before giving their lives over to christ.  the five thresholds are:

1. trusting a christian
2. becoming curious about Jesus
3. being open to change
4. actively seeking God
5. conversion

he then talked about how these five steps could be applied to the conversion story one of his nonbelieving friends.  as he was talking, i realized that i did things completely backwards in my own path to salvation.  i became a christian when i was 7, basically because i wanted to go to heaven and because everyone else was  doing it.  so i started at step five without experiencing the true change of heart that is usually required for anyone to start following christ.  i had nothing in my life that i needed to change (i was a little kid), and i was completely uninterested in seeking God (learning about him and seeking him are two different things).  because i was a pastor's son, i could tell you all sorts of facts and bits of information about the bible, but facts without belief are useless.  growing up,  i mistook my knowledge about God for an actual relationship with him.  needless to say, i was humbled and shaken by this realization.

one thing is certain. my eyes were definitely opened this past week.  the number of opportunities out there for christians to spread his love are greater than ever before.  i didn't receive a specific calling, but i was challenged to widen my gaze and consider the world around me.  i'm glad i went.