Drum roll, please...

earlier tonight, my mom's youngest brother passed away from complications that arose after he suffered a heart attack sunday morning.

some of you who read this blog (if there are any left) may know him if you've been going to ncfc long enough.  his name was james choi, although everyone called him jae, (big dude, kind of nasally voice, usually making jokes).  he was an older member of focus for quite some time, although his presence at church diminished over the past couple months due to his health problems.

those months were rough for him.  he had always suffered with diabetes, but was able to control it with insulin and other remedies.  but recently, the disease grew more serious and caused both his kidneys to fail.  since then, he began falling down a slippery slope of one medical complication after another.  numerous times he was found at work, unconscious from dangerously high blood pressure.

finally, sunday morning, his dad (my grandpa) went into jae's room at 5 am to find him complaining of chest pressure/inability to breathe.  he called the ambulance, but jae suffered a heart attack going downstairs to meet them.  the emt's were unable to resuscitate him on the 10 min ride to holy cross.  while the doctors at the hospital were finally able to get his heart beating again, by then his brain had been irreparably damaged and he lay in a coma.

we found out later that evening.  at first, i had some hope that he might open his eyes again and return to us (after all, people wake up from comas), but this afternoon i received a text from my dad saying we needed to go to the hospital.

turns out, the doctor basically said there was no way he was going to wake up and we needed to make a decision on whether to pull the plug or not.  i never expected to be involved in a situation like this (at least at this point in my life).  to me, this stuff only happened in movies or on the news.   the whole ride to the hospital, i was kind of in shock.  i wasn't able to face my emotions at all (if i even had any at the time).  

it wasn't until i got to the hospital room that my emotions finally got ahold of me  my mom told us that the doctors said that a person's ability to hear is often the last sense to go when they're in a coma.  so she had us think of things to tell him as we said goodbye.  in the back of my mind, i really doubted he could hear us, so i almost didn't see the point in saying anything.  i figured i should though, since everyone else was.  i didn't really even expect to cry or anything since i'm a pretty stoic guy.  i didn't even cry when my grandpa passed away a number of years ago.  if anything, i would say my peace and be done with it.  but as soon as i opened my mouth, it was like the first word caught on my throat and refused to leave.  i don't think i remember ever crying that hard in my life.  i managed to choke out a few words till i couldn't think of anything else and let stacey have a turn.

that's pretty much all the details i remember.  turns out, his heart rate had started to slow before we got there so we didn't need to make the agonizing decision to take him off life support.  it's almost like he was trying to make it easier for us.  i heard my grandpa say he had even gone through the trouble of cleaning out most of his drawers/closet a couple days before all this happened.  i think he knew deep down that he only had a few days to live.  even in the face of death, he tried to make his family and friends happy.  that's the kind of person he was.

he lived a modest life to say the least.  he never married.  never even moved out from his parents house.  wasn't ever really successful career-wise (worked retail at macy's).  in the world's eyes, he wasn't all that.  but he loved his family and friends (often without receiving the same amount of love/appreciation in return).  i can't even count the number of times we'd be leaving his house after a family get together when all of a sudden he'd reach into his pocket or car trunk and bring out a random present he had bought for us since the last time he saw us.  he'd just say, "i thought of you while i was at the store."  it's not like he was even the worlds greatest gift giver either.  sometimes the gifts were downright tacky, but it really was the thought that counted.  let me remind you that he worked the sales floor at macy's for a while before having to be on a fixed income due to his health problems later on.  he didn't have much to give, but he gave what he had.  i only regret not wearing some of the things he bought me more often.  i could have shown a little more appreciation, even at the expense of looking tacky for a little bit.

he was also a really goofy guy, even into his late thirties.  a real kid at heart.  always making up crazy nicknames for us nephews and nieces (stacey and i were always "cutie patooties." even well after we started college).  always quick to tease his mom when she was being a little neurotic.  he was one of those people who are able to lighten the mood of the room just by his presence.

so i guess that's how i'll remember him.  he's gone much too soon, but he made a very strong impact in my life in the short time he had here.  if you've read this entire post to this point have a cookie on me.  also, tell your loved ones how much they mean to you before it's too late.